To Love

I've been meditating a lot on something God started teaching me a few years ago (or something I actually started hearing Him on a few years ago).

Love.

God is Love. I am NOT Love. I was made out of His love. I have invited His Spirit to live inside me, meaning, I have Love. God is a loving God, giving me the choice to live in that Love or live out of my flesh, which is not Love.

So, I cannot truly love someone without God. I cannot truly love my children without God. I cannot truly love my husband without God. And so on...

Control.

What is control anyway? Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear of being hurt. Wanting to control something or someone just creates worry, stress, anxiety. Over and over, Jesus tells us "Do not worry. Do not be afraid."

Often times I find myself justifying my ways of control as love. I'm sure that my Father chuckles a little bit to himself when I get frustrated at why my children keep doing things I have tried to control them not to do. Yes, control them, not discipline- it is different.

There are a lot of ways I try to control my children that would be justified in the world's eyes as "discipline". But I continue to hear the Lord whispering to me, "I want you to let go and let me love your children the way I can only love them." This means throwing off the ways of the world and finding the narrow path of our Father. I can only imagine what that would look like to truly Love my kids and my husband.

The only thing/person I have control of is me. I cannot control anyone or anything. Control is the enemy's lie, telling us that love can't do anything. But he is wrong, LOVE CAN DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Another way of putting it, kind of, is the only way to control is to love God and know Him.

We just had 3 weeks to stay at our friends, the Lockes, house in Strathmore, CA. They have 4 kids all close to our kids' ages and all of them are friends. My friend Emie and I took our last night together to pray for all of our children and our husbands. Over our friendship of almost 7 years, we have grown, changed and found more of God because we have chosen to do this. But in the last few weeks I have been reminded that there is so much more of God I need and want, not just for myself but for my husband, children and anyone else who is put in my life. It is a process, and a journey to Love.

The New Commandment: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35

Love. This should look different from many others and may even feel lonely or misunderstood. Jesus told us we would even be hated because the way we Love. Are we ready?

Mall cops in San Diego

Andy and I were on a date the other day and happened to walk through a strip mall parking lot.
Let me unfold a scene we literally walked into as we strolled along, hand in hand....

Three young skateboarders hang out lazily in an empty section of the parking lot, goofing off but mostly just sitting around talking on their cell phones.
Suddenly, Mall Cop #1 rolls up in his electric golf cart and starts saying something to the supposed "leader" of the teeny-boppers. The leader was on the phone at the time and did not know he was being summoned. This obviously threatened Mall Cop #1's ego, he proceeded to hop out of the golf cart and yelled at the Leader. Leader lazily turned around as his two friends just watched the whole thing unfold. They all just stood there as Mall Cop #1 rattled/yelled off the rules of conduct for the parking lot.
Mall Cop #1 must have made a call in for back up sometime during all of this because within a minute or so, Mall Cop #2 rolls up in his golf cart and screeches his tires to a halt (that was the funniest part of the whole scene, wish you could have been there) and hastily jumps out to assist with the problem. Teeny-boppers are now surrounded by golf carts and mall cops.
As we walk by we watch Mall Cop #1 regain authority by jetting his finger in the direction of the exit as he tells the Motley Crew to "get out and stay out!"
We don't really know what happened next but I am imagining a good laugh and more goofing off as the skateboarders lazily pick up their stuff and leave the premise. I'm sure friends at school are laughing it up and reciting lines from the new Mall Cop movie that has just come out.
I am also imagining Mall Cop #1 and #2 watching with eagle eyes to make sure the boys leave the property and then discuss their thoughts of the "hoodlum skateboarders". I imagine the rest of the mall cops heard the story too, with fire in their eyes and a hunger for more skateboarders to threaten the security of the strip mall.

I now have first-hand account of why Paul Blart is so famous. These guys are for real.

One thing I will miss....

It seems like a long stretch home still, but we are only 2 states away. This is a really weird feeling now that we've been traveling for 9 months straight now. Being 3 months away from being home is just WEIRD.

I have this deep longing to be home, snug in a little house, back with my old neighbors, and in familiar territory where I don't need a GPS or Google Maps to get around. My mama instincts are beginning to itch, making me want to settle, nest, and get my kids back into some sort of regular schedule/routine.

BUT...there are many things I will miss from being a transient. The main one: meeting new people. I know I can do this when we get back to Portland, but it is different when you are a traveler. People are more willing to tell you their life story when they know you will probably leave within the next few days. They are also more likely to offer hospitality when they know you have been traveling. We have met so many amazing friends on this journey.

So many people have opened their homes, lives, stories, fellowship, pantries, cars, laundry facilities, and showers to our family. It gives me so much hope for humanity and the family of God. It is a stretch and a risk to invite an entire family into your home for dinner when you have never met them before in your life. This causes me to believe there needs to be more travelers out there who rely on hospitality for housing and food rather than hotels and restaurants. Meeting and entertaining strangers stretches, challenges, and connects the Kingdom of God. Somehow it makes it a little more organic, fresh, natural.

So, when we return home, I hope to always be ready to entertain strangers. I hope to be more willing to meet new people and to offer a warm meal to anyone who needs it. If I can't be a transient, receiving hospitality, I will be on the other end in giving back what has been lavishly given to me and my family.

Poor mama duck

Yes, yes. I know I've been a TOTAL slacker on the blog, Andy keeps bugging me about updating this.
So here is my weird attempt at updating. It's very random so bear with me.

Can you see this sweet little ducklings and their mama?

When we were having a little vacation time with my parents in San Antonio, this caught our attention as we were strolling the River Walk. The kids were so excited to see baby duckies but I was almost crying for this little mama trying to get her babies down to safety. Poor thing made a nest where it was safe and now she has the dilemma of figuring out a way to get all of her babies down this huge cliff where the water is. I almost did a swoop and rescue right then and there. Mama duck kept quacking and walking back and forth, looking a bit anxious about the menacing drop-off. But the sheer madness of me scaling up the wall and scooping up the duckies 2 at a time was a little over the top. So, I prayed for them. Yes, I did, for all you who are laughing. And I couldn't get this out of my mind for quite a few days. It's one of those mama things or maybe it's an overly sensitive lover-of-animal-things.

And maybe the fact that I'M PREGNANT added to the desperate desire to be the super-hero for this little family of ducks. Who knows?

Oh, yeah- I'm prego! Thank you Jesus for our new gift!

Science day

Poor little Squeaky the Turtle. Someone had caught him on a fishing line and then after that 3 little children found him. Not sure which incident was more traumatic.

The kids had so much fun with the turtle though- nothing better than running around outside and making a great nature discovery.

We were able to spend our time in Jackson, MS staying at a state park campground. Along with many days spent doing things/ministry around the city, we also got to come back to Big Buster and have a huge area to let the kids run around and play, skip rocks in the lazy river, find bugs, ride bikes, and of course, find turtles. Thank you Lord for your great playground!!

Have I told you....

....Ally loves kitties??

Thankfully the cats she has mauled and loved on have all been very relaxed, which is a miracle.
When we were staying with some friends way back in Denver she proclaimed, after hearing that she wouldn't be getting dessert, that the kitty was her dessert. Yes, a little odd but totally Ally. She makes me laugh hard sometimes because of her quirkiness and silliness. Someday she'll get her kitty, along with a farm and a Pegasus named Pinky.
Gotta love her!

potty training in an rv

Over my 6 years of being a mother, which is not really that long, my youngest has been the most challenging in regards to potty training. I have no idea what it would have been like to potty train while in a stable environment (probably a whole lot easier) but out of this, I have discovered more of the monster that has the capacity to rear its ugly head. I'm not speaking about my two year old monster, I'm talking about the mama monster.

I think Eva is finally potty trained but it took my pride to be humbled. Our first attempts were about 5 months ago which just about sent me over the edge. Eva figured out the "treat system" (she got a small piece of candy every time she went potty) and used it to the nth degree- which is not a bad system with some personalities. In Eva's case, I had to come to the realization that she was not ready and if I kept pushing it, I would literally crush her sparky little spirit.

Washing out pee-pee panties, cleaning up poopy messes, and little access to a laundry facility, the rv bathroom was smelling pretty bad and my patience was almost wiped out. I finally strapped the diaper back on the little Diva and gave in to the idea that maybe she just wasn't ready. Whew!

About a week ago, I decided to try again and she is now almost fully potty trained during the day with only a few accidents. I am not freaking out and our bathroom doesn't smell like pee.
PRAISE THE LORD!!

It really is all about the timing. Yes, there is the consistency factor (which I am better at this time around) but really I just needed to be patient. The pride of knowing you have potty trained a small child should not overpower the joy in the relationship- really. I, along with other mothers, know that feeling. Kind of like having a child who speaks well, or can read early, sleeps through the night early, or happens to be smarter than the average "Joe" child. We all get a little puffed up over those things.

All of us mamas out there know we have the capacity to become somewhat of a monster. But the key is to just let the mama monster go so that we can reflect the image of God to our children. I imagine myself before I strapped the diaper back on and I just see ugly, stressed-out flesh ball forcing the Diva to do something she was not ready to do. Now that I have waited I can be confident that God can parent her through me, in HER timing.