A day in the life of.....

Eyes to see, ears to hear

2011-06-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, more often than not, this is all I see. An unmade bed, the vacuum that beckons my name, dirty dishes to be done, messy homeschool room, spilled milk, etc.
Sometimes, more often than not, this is all I hear. Voices that wake up sleeping Luci, slamming of doors, arguing children, stomping feet, etc.

If I allow myself to only see and hear these things, how am I ever going to see the good in anything? Why do I have to be such a Debbie Downer? Anxieties are high, stress is high, teeth are grinding, and one last straw brings mama lion out on the prowl. YIKES. It's not pretty, I hate it, but it keeps happening.

I've talked about this before, but it has been a while.

Motherhood is hard, no matter how many kids you have. But if you have the Holy Spirit and you listen to Him, it can be the most rewarding, joy filled, amazing thing of all. It is only because of Him that I can say that mothering has been a positive experience. Without Him to help me see and hear, I would be a miserable, bitter, selfish wife and mother.

With God, I can actually serve my husband and children and think of them as better than myself because He helps me see Jesus in their faces.

It's pretty easy to switch His voice off though. He's not normally screaming and hollering at me, like I do with my kids. So when I am yelling and fuming, it pretty much over-powers any other voice I could possibly hear. And I'm pretty sure my kids can't hear His voice over mine. That makes me cringe just thinking about that.

Having four children does not make me a professional. However, over the years, it has brought me a little bit lower. My inadequacies are shouted at me every day and I can either shout back at them or bow down to the One who makes me adequate. It is harder to bow down.

Motherhood is emotional and if you let your emotions lead you it will be a very lonely, hard and defeating road. I know this because I let my emotions take over more than I'd like to admit. Bad habits are hard to replace with good ones. When you are used to seeing messes, it is hard to see and put a voice to the one toothbrush that DID make it back in the toothbrush cup. Seriously.

But when you do choose to bow down to the One who makes us adequate, grace is then released and able to flow. I tend to fight and throw fits sometimes. Just thinking about it makes me laugh....and then say, 'Really?'. Like I said, habits are hard to replace. Discipline is hard to accept and put into practice.

"Discipline is the effort to avoid deafness and to become sensitive to the sound of the voice that calls us by a new name and invites us to a new life in discipleship." -Compassion byMcNeill, Morrison, and Nouwen

So to avoid being deaf and blind, I ask for strength, perseverance and courage to bow low. I want to be at a place where I can receive His grace so that I can then give Grace to those I have been entrusted with.

And praise the Lord that I am free to bow low and let it flow. (ha! I'm a poet.)

Tea time

2011-05-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a little bit of tea, sugar, cream, and mama's full attention can do.

As a mother of four I feel stretched and pulled many directions throughout the day. I have learned to love being a wife and mother. I've learned to be more content with my place, my opportunities, and my season of life. I really do love where I am at now. But often there are days when I wonder if I really took a moment to know and see each of my children. Too many days go by like that.

But I am so glad I have taken some moments and made some memories.

I pray that His Grace, Love and Mercy can fill in the blank spots. And most of all, I hope my girls grow up knowing they are loved and beautiful because they are made by a Loving and Beautiful God.

Thank you, Jesus, for tea time.

Mother's Day weekend

2011-05-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Cannon Beach was the destination for this last weekend. I have been looking forward to relaxing with my family at this most awesome beach house for quite a while. My parents, grandma, my sister and her hubby, and Andy and I enjoyed the scenery, good food, a few walks down to the beach, as well as lots of talking and reading. Great weekend.

But seriously, one of the best parts about the Cannon Beach beach house: kids room supplied with flat screen, cable t.v., toys, and bunk beds galore. Yes, I let my children go goo-goo eyed with cartoons. We do not have cable at home, so it is a luxury to have "good" cartoons available. Throw in a few trips to the beach to let them run and explore some good energy out, eat lots of yummy food and cartoons and my kids have a BLAST. Not only do the kids have a blast but mommy and daddy can have some moments of luxury.

I love being a momma and a wife. I am blessed to have the busyness of children and the gift of responsibility to raise them. I pray everyday for more insight, more revelation of my role in their life, and His peace that passes all understanding to fill in the many, many holes that I cannot fill. My hope is in the God who knows each of my kids intimately; so much so that His plan for their life is so much better than my plan. I pray for grace as the grow, wisdom to know when to go and when to stop, and a supernatural ability to laugh and enjoy life in every season.

God is good! Happy Mother's Day to all mamas out there.

Here are some pictures!

Discipline

2011-05-02T20:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written a post, not because of lack of things to talk about but because life has felt extra busy recently. Luci is going a mile a minute, I've taken more time for school with Avery mostly, and more of my time has been spent on my family, friends, and community around me than on anything else. Which is good, but I miss writing. It helps me process and actually gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts without waiting to be asked.

Lots of things God has been speaking to me about but they all seem to come back to the idea of discipline. It is true that discipline gives me peace and rest. Finding that healthy balance of relying on God, going when He says "go", waiting when I don't hear anything and creating good habits. Hard but good.

I have spoken about my friend Margarita before but wanted to give an update on our friendship. Many, many praises to Him for giving me the perseverance and consistency of just being available to her. Like I've said before, there is not a whole lot of spoken communication between her and I which limits my abilities but it is a good thing. And like I've said before, my friendship with her has taught me more about who Jesus is than anything ever before.

I see Margarita every Tuesday at our house and she comes in and instantly inquires of where I am if I am not there to greet her right away. She, as well as her sister and mother, are here early to help us set up food pantry. And the other day after we were all done setting tables up and cleaning produce we had some time to wait before the food pantry opened. I was washing the dishes and I notice that she is inching closer to me and just awkwardly trying to be near me, hanging out. Inside my heart I was praising Jesus for this very quiet, yet very noticeable movement toward me.

Her and I have gone on walks recently since the weather is getting a little more friendly. We don't go very far or very fast but it is "together time". More often than not I am the one asking questions and pursuing conversation with her in between sometimes long periods of silence.
But last week while we walked she began asking me questions and talking when normally she would choose not to. Nothing terribly intense but, again, it was a move toward me.

It has been almost a year of pursuing Margarita and it seems the fruit of Trust is just starting to show. The discipline of availability in this crazy world of busyness and chaos is a hard one to learn. But if this discipline is what gives Life to Margarita than it is so worth it. Jesus loves her so much.

I have also had some opportunities to pray boldly over her, declaring His Love to reign in her life which casts out all darkness. She struggles with anxiety and hears voices speaking evil things to her on a daily basis. She smokes to ease her nerves and then at the same time has asthma attacks which brings her down even farther. The doctors have only thrown medicine at her and it makes her sleepy and out of it. I tell her God loves her every time I see her and I pray over her when I feel the Spirit lead. I am standing in faith that God is healing her, washing over her, and renewing her mind. I also believe I am the only person in her life that knows and loves Jesus. And because of this I am the only tangible example of Jesus that she has. But I guess He knows that and somehow I seem to be just the person for the job.

Praise Him for covering me in grace and mercy for I fall short every time. Praise Him for also giving me the freedom to Love without expectations or agendas. His LOVE is always enough!

Spring

2011-03-12T20:18:00.001-08:00

My kids have worked on Haiku poetry recently and this is the latest creation....

Bulbs come back to life,
His beauty comes from ashes,
we love you, Jesus!

Release and reveal

2011-03-03T16:59:00.000-08:00

I woke up from a dream the other morning about the birth of my last daughter. It was one of those dreams you wish you could stay in for a while.

My dream was full of release and emotion. That is what childbirth is like. Release, emotion, heart swelling and connecting. I can still feel it and hope I won't forget it. The smell, the first time I hold my new baby, the deep sigh, the exhaustion, the burden lifted, the first time I nurse....

Just a small glimpse of what it might be like when Jesus comes back to take His Bride and fulfill His promise that we have all been anxiously waiting for. It might just feel like release, emotion, heart swelling and connecting.

Like childbirth. The revealing of a mystery so long unsolved.

¹⁹ Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? ²⁰ Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. ²¹ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²² So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. ²³ In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ²⁴ Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

John 16:19-24

Super cool restaurant

2011-03-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

Oooooh, it is so artsy. I love it. It inspires me to get out my brush.

Andy and Jake horking (most favorite word) food down before the next Justice session.

While Andy and I were in Bend for the Justice Conference, we happened upon the coooooolest restaurant. Seriously.
Its a non-profit restaurant called, Common Table, where one day a week you pay what you can or just enjoy a very nice meal for free! The rest of the week the prices are back to normal which are pretty reasonable for the quality.
Great food and drinks from local farms/grocers, creative atmosphere, big long table to meet new people while you eat, and perfect opportunity for those who can't afford a nice meal once a week.

Check out their website here.

If you happen to be in Bend, OR anytime, we HIGHLY recommend it! Creativity and kindness should definitely be supported and encouraged!

Letting go

2011-02-20T12:49:00.000-08:00

Fear always creates distance and divisions.

-Compassion by McNeil, Morrison, and Nouwen

These have been some questions that I/we have wrestled through on this topic recently...

Am I teaching my children that God is Love only sometimes and other times angry and controlling?

How are we as a family showing Love to our guests that come to our house for the food pantry? Are we treating our guests as friends or as food pantry recipients who must wait until 4:00 sharp to be welcomed inside?

Are we creating an atmosphere where are children feel included or left out of this "family ministry"?

How can we give our children room to be creative and involved in their own special ways?

As part of the Church (disciples of Jesus, as a collective group) how are we encouraging one another in our faith? How are we allowing room for the gifts that the Spirit has given us to do "even greater things than Him" (John 14:12)?

There are times when I focus too much on the big picture in these questions and get overwhelmed by the need and lack of love. But always the Lord waits for me to steer me back to the Here and Now. My "here and now" is my home, my husband, my children, my neighbors, and our guests. And most of the time, it is only my husband and children He asks me to focus His Love on.

So, the Lord has had His way with me for quite awhile. Sometimes more than others depending on my mood swings. But the most important thing He has taught me how to see is how fear has interwoven its gnarly vines throughout my habits, thoughts, and relationships. He has somehow pulled me out far enough to give me glimpses that have provided me with understanding in how I can change and do things in Love rather than Fear.

This is hard and completely backwards to our humanness. It requires desire for the fruits of the Spirit, desire for a heart like His, patience that comes from the Holy Spirit, persistence that comes from the Holy Spirit, and ultimately surrender and trust in Our Father. Basically, it takes the power of God to squeeze out love from our puny little selves.

But, oh, it is satisfying!!! It is like when you finally stop swimming against the current and let the current take you where it wants to go. It is scary, out of control, and exhilarating all at the same time. And the best part is that all you have to do is let go.

And all of that white-knuckling seems silly afterward giving you confidence that you can maybe even do it again. ;)

In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love. 1 John 4:18

Our third child, Eva, has given me lots of opportunities to try this "letting go" out. It's not fun and often I find myself white-knuckling again. Fear has gripped me more times than not with her and I pray that I have not ruined her for life many times a week. Most of the time it is because she offends me with her fiery little tongue or sassiness. Ultimately I have fear that I have lost control of her. As if I had control in the first place, ha! My fear creates a desire in me to rise up and put power over her, creating fear in her. Not good.

The quote above is truth. Fear does create distance and division. I don't want Eva to distance herself because of her fear of me. I want her to learn to come close to me in her moments of fear, sin, mistakes and confusion. I desire to be a conduit of His Love for her creating a safe place to grow and learn.

I want to be a conduit of His Love for my husband to be who he is and not what I expect him to be.
I want to be a conduit of His Love for any guest who walks in my home to experience love, respect and honor as a child of God.
I want to be a conduit of Love for His Church, the Body of Christ, so that we can be a safe place for one another to lean on and be encouraged by.
And finally I want to be a conduit of Love to show the world that there is another way to live.

Homeschool for Mom

2011-02-15T21:39:00.000-08:00

There are times when I think maybe I'm homeschooling because God wanted to teach me some pretty cool stuff about Himself.

Like the solar system for instance..

Just looking outside in the morning and gazing at this beauty (below) and knowing that He planned for Venus to be the Morning Star, shining brightly for me to see when I wake up, groggy-eyed.

And how He planned for Earth to be perfectly placed so it wasn't too far away from the Sun or too close and moving it just a little bit would destroy us.

And how all the planets have different rotations and axises; everything has its place and timing.

And how Earth is like a tiny grain of salt compared to how many stars, planets, moons and galaxies there are...which makes me even smaller.

And how my eyes can only see some of the stars in our Milky Way galaxy, beyond this I may never ever see.

And how after He made Everything just so, He gave it to silly ol' me and you to take care of.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Genesis 1:1-2

Hide and Seek

2011-02-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

Perfectly stealth-like

Boo!!

Our little Goose has discovered this wonderful game of hide-and-seek. Her favorite spots are: between the wall and the dryer, behind the bath towels in our bathroom, and underneath any other blanket or towel she can find. She stays perfectly still and quiet until someone "discovers" her. There have been a couple times where I actually start to freak out for a moment because nobody can find her.

Oh Luci, you ARE a goose!

The kingdom is like....

2011-02-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

.....Tuesdays.

One of the most exciting parts of Jubilee Food Pantry is seeing glimpses of the Kingdom of God.

Jesus talked about the Kingdom over and over again. His favorite topic and should be ours too. But it can't be our favorite if we don't know what to look for.

I am blessed to have eyes that have seen....

people in my home that don't speak my language but hug me and smile
a ministry that is becoming an "us" thing, rather than "us and them"
always enough
my children sharing toys with strangers
finding friendship in places I would have never imagined
a passion for justice being worked out in my heart and mind
friendship being made in a place of need

I want the Kingdom of God to be in the forefront of my mind, thoughts and desires.

Have you seen glimpses of His Kingdom here on earth?

If not, I encourage you to read Jesus' words that tell what the Kingdom is like and then ask for eyes to see.

"For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:32-34

Good thoughts

2011-01-27T20:57:00.000-08:00

Focus upon the kingdom produces the inward reality, and without the inward reality we will degenerate into legalistic trivia.

Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster

This is something I will chew on for a while....actually for the rest of my life.

I was missed today

2011-01-26T20:47:00.000-08:00

I had two hours at a coffee shop today to have some quiet time and work time. Oh my goodness, it was lovely. And then when I pulled into my garage, I was greeted by 4 happy little faces that were yelling, "Mommy!!!!!"

I realized I don't get too many opportunities to be missed and I love it. Not very often, but sometimes it is just what I need. It made me feel very special....my kids actually miss me when I'm gone.

Things I still struggle with...

2011-01-23T20:39:00.000-08:00

1) Letting the kids mix the play dough colors.

2) Missing puzzle pieces. (Yes, mom. I, too, tear a room apart for these little stragglers.)

3) The discernment between just wanting to give a gift and feeling the expectation of owing someone something. Thank you notes/gifts, for instance. How do I shed the world's thoughts of gift-giving? How do I receive gifts/acts of kindness freely?

4) Talking kindly to my children when I feel rushed.

5) Loving my husband the way he needs to be loved, especially when I feel like its my turn to be loved.

6) Using my time wisely or finishing a task and going onto the next thing. I often find myself in the middle of 5 different things at a time. Yes, I can justify this as being a part of mothering four kids, but I refuse to do that.

7) Telling someone that they hurt me.

8) Routine. This goes against my grain, however, I know how important it is to have order and graceful structure in our family, ministry and daily life. In Heaven, maybe I can bounce around on clouds, going here to there where ever and whenever my heart desires.

Oh, I am weak. This is a good reminder of how much I need Jesus and how much more I can grow and learn with Him as my guide. There are a lot of things I have improved on in my life with Him (praise Him!), but that can never justify the fact that there is so much more He has to offer me.

May we always be at the place of tension, being thankful and content with ourselves and how He has made us while at the same time being willing and ready for Him to change our hearts, minds, and circumstances because He knows best.

I have an 8 year old??

2011-01-08T21:39:00.001-08:00

My Avery-man

Jr. Lego League for my Lego maniac
The Brilliant Builders

Birthday party at Bullwinkle's Family Fun Center!

My boy just turned 8 years old yesterday and I can't believe it! I am so proud of him and blessed to know that God chose me to be his mother. What an honor.

Father, bless my son. Love him and build him to be the man you know he can be. Fill him with your passion, grace, mercy and desire for justice. Continue the work you have started in Avery Joseph Coulombe!

Come on, be real

2011-01-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

I've been encouraged to really dive in and let God take me on little adventures with my imagination (I'm pretty good at that anyways, but I've been a little more purposeful with it).

The book I am reading, Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, speaks about how using our imagination is often how God communicates to us and a way to focus our minds' eye on Him. This is definitely true for me and, of course, I want MORE communication with Him!!

First, I ask His Spirit to cover my mind and heart with his Love and Protection, so I do not go down crazy rabbit trails.
Second, I think of His face and what some truths are that I know about Him.
"He loves me." That is easy.

Well, I was thinking about how Jesus pooped. Yep, this is where I go....let me take you on a ride in Serenity's brainwaves.

So, Jesus pooped. If we know that He was fully human and fully God then we know that He fully did gross things, just like us. This makes me laugh and also makes Him much more easy to be around. I can take a sigh of relief to know that He was Real, so I can be Real.

If we deny this part of Jesus, we deny ourselves and ultimately miss out on the idea that God is WITH US. Jesus experienced everything we experience on daily basis. Emotions, gas pains, sadness, dirt, stink, temptations, and yes, regular bathroom trips. He, however, did life as a human with no fear, no shame, no sin. Love casts out fear.

And so, I will leave you with that thought. If we say we believe in Jesus and believe that He was fully human and fully God, we can imitate him knowing that we don't have to deny our yucky parts. His Spirit lives in us so that we can journey with Him in every step, giving us grace, mercy, and power to cast out the fear and shame.

What I'm Reading

2011-01-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

"Our world is hungry for genuinely changed people. Leo Tolstoy observed, 'Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.' Let us be among those who believe that the inner transformation of our lives is a goal worthy of our best effort."

-Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

This book is good. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it if you are ready to go deeper and more purposeful in your walk with the Lord. Dad, thank you for handing this down! What a beautiful Christmas gift.

How I know I'm a mother of 4...

2011-01-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

1) I do a celebration dance and feel a sense of pure joy when I don't have to fix lunch.

2) I suddenly realize a child is resting on my hip and I have no idea how long she has been there or how she got there.

3) I don't talk on the phone anymore, it's just too much work.

4) I carry around my devotional book all day long and re-read the first sentence about 50 times, intending to get through at least one page, but it never happens.

5) I re-heat my cup of coffee over and over again until finally I find it later that afternoon sitting in the microwave, cold.

6) I let my baby scream in her crib for extended periods of time.

7) I don't flip out (as much) when I see the kids slapping numerous Band-aids on one tiny little scrape.

8) I realize one of my children has not bathed for 7 days.

Becoming a Friend

2010-12-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

(Arlene, Me, Luci, and Margarita)

I met Margarita 4 years ago when I heard God ask me to drop some milk off at her apartment. I did not know who she was from Adam. After that brief moment of obedience, I did not see her again until she started coming to my house this last May to receive food from the food pantry.

Now, Margarita is my friend. She has been coming to the Jubilee Food Pantry ever since we opened. Margarita speaks minimal English and I speak minimal Spanish, so we don't actually have many conversations. And even though not much is said between her and I our friendship has taught me more about the Gospel than any book, Bible study, therapy session, or sermon could ever teach me.

Two thoughts before I continue: Jesus was/is about relationship and money is the root of all kinds of evil.

My relationship with Margarita has been filled with awkward moments, sign language, a lot of smiling, sitting, looking at pictures, going with her to the medical clinic, hanging pictures in her tiny apartment, going on errands together, watching our kids play, and making tamales in my kitchen.

We are completely different; not necessarily in personality, but in culture, background, ethnicity, language, lifestyle, financial state, etc. It has taken the power of God for our relationship to become what it is now and there is a lot more of Margarita to know and love. I have moments when I think I know how to love her but I am quickly reminded of the differences and how my "love" might come across to her. And I think about doing something and then think again at why I would want to do that....my culture has ingrained in me this thought that I have something to give to her and she should be grateful. As painful as that is to say, it is true. God has sifted more out of me in these last 7 months than He has in a long time. Gently and persistently, He is putting a new mirror up and revealing more things that I have been subtly told and therefore believed for 30+ years.

God never called us to be a friend with an agenda. If you really think about it, I'm sure you also have a secret agenda for a lot of people you know and "love". It may be a deep hidden thing that you don't really even know about, but it's there. Maybe a few parenting tips they need to know, a little wisdom for their marriage, some ideas on how to budget a little better. Maybe it's more than that, maybe they need to know Jesus, or some new understanding of theology that you have discovered, maybe it is the power of the Holy Spirit, maybe it is the idea of God as Father, maybe it is just plain old pity. Whatever it is you think you have to offer, check yourself. Agendas or "good intentions" as more people would like to put it, will be found out sooner or later.

I am being brutally honest here and it is even making me squirm a little. I think I know, but I really don't. I think I'm pretty great sometimes, but I'm really not. The only great thing in me is my BIG, AMAZING, GOD. He makes me great. My ideas of how to be friends with Margarita are very flawed, but He is starting to help me see through His eyes. His imagination is helping Margarita and I to have a healthier relationship than if I was to come along and try my hardest.

The idea that money is the root of all kinds of evil (1 Timothy 6:10) is becoming so alive to me that sometimes I feel hopeless. I look at my relationship with Margarita and money has already wedged itself in and made a big old rift. Neither one of us has made it happen, it is just a disease of this world. I am wealthy beyond belief, she has grown up in a world of poverty, or at least that mentality. We can't change our backgrounds or families, but we can change the way we view one another. And that takes the power of the Living God. It takes the people who know and love Jesus, to act like Jesus. It takes time, persistence, showing up, being available, dropping your "to-do" list for the day, and letting yourself sit in a place where you have to trust Him.

Four months ago God told me to be friends with Margarita. I have no idea where this will go, but I am learning what it truly means to be a "Friend". It is messy, confusing, and heart-wrenching at many times but God is teaching me about himself through relationship. And for that, I am grateful.

The Christmas Story...retold

2010-12-27T12:08:00.000-08:00

Sweet Mary

2010-12-19T23:09:00.000-08:00

Mary's story, her life, and her purpose resonates with me deeply. In a strange way, I feel connected to her and hope to one day sit and talk with her while we sit with Jesus.

My God story began with a child. And this child has been my lifeline to Jesus. There has been much suffering, grief, confusion, and despair at times, but I joyfully accept my Father's redemption of her death. Being a lifeline to her here on earth, gave her the right to hold the lifeline to Jesus for me as she now sits with Him in Heaven. Yes, God can turns ashes into beauty.

I chose to abort at the age of 18. I was a scared little girl and no where close to knowing who God was. This is the part of my story that is far from Mary's story. She kept the baby and chose to be courageous.

But this is where I can relate with her story. The grieving of His death, the sacrifice of motherhood, the sorrow and joy that He is her lifeline to the Father, the idea that her child's death saved her life.

If you have a hard time with abortion stories or have an even harder time listening to someone say that God brought good out of it, please stay with me. This is hard for me to write, knowing that some may go away confused.

I don't know what my story would be like if I had not had an abortion. That isn't my story. My story is that God took my child, Redeem, whom I was too afraid to accept and too afraid to love and He found me in my dark pit. And He is now keeping and holding Redeem, along with the many other sweet precious spirits, and allowing me to wait for the final Reconciliation between her, I and Him. The in-between time is sweet, bittersweet, long and overwhelming at times. I feel pain and sadness that I would like to own, but He asks me to give it to Him. I don't deserve to Hope, but He tells me to. He promises and keeps His promises to the end. And because of this I give Him my life. I choose to trust Him with my tender heart. It's actually okay to hurt when He is holding it.

I imagine Mary (who pondered so many things in her heart) continued to grieve, to be perplexed, to be joyful, to give thanks, to mourn, and to wait for the Great Reconciliation of her and her sweet Son. The One who saved her, died for her, and now sits on the Throne. Oh, I am so happy for her.

During Advent I often ponder the amazing works He has done in my life and how He started; with a child. I wait and expect for the day to come when we can be reunited in the beautiful, unashamed, glory of His Kingdom of Heaven. My eyes turn to Jesus who holds her and I know He is waiting excitedly also.

Thank you Jesus for coming as a child. For myself, it is a sweet and holy reminder of what you have promised me and the rest of the world. Redemption, Reconciliation, and Completeness.

Coulombe Christmas Card 2010

2010-12-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Slideshow design made with Smilebox

Joel Salatin, Polyface Farm

2010-12-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took some time to listen to this guy talk for a while about food, farming, and sustainable agriculture. We continue, as a family, to take one step at a time to walk out many ways to live sustainably, simply and sensibly. It takes perseverance, research and sacrifice to be more purposeful in what you are eating, growing, buying and feeding your children. And honestly, we are in a much more friendly place to explore and learn about this, living in Oregon.

If you have some time, I would highly recommend listening to this podcast with farmer and follower of Jesus, Joel Salatin. It is encouraging and very informative.

What I'm day dreaming these days

2010-12-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

Since I was a child, I have loved allegorical literature. Especially fantasy allegory with different creatures, fairies, animals that talk, worlds that have different colors and ways of doing things. It gives me wild things to think about in my free brain space. I daydream. I never really thought of myself as a daydreamer, but now that I know myself a little better, I must admit this. You can catch me staring off into space playing with my eyebrow (yes, I also have weird tics and habits) and you can be certain that I am deep in thought, or tired.

My kids and I are reading through The Chronicles of Narnia (now on, The Horse and His Boy). This is my favorite moments of the day and I am so excited that it is a favorite part of the kids' day too. After breakfast, we stay at the table and I have the kids get paper and crayons and let them color while I read to them. A simple thing in theory, but sometimes hard to do- especially when Luci is running around jabbering and pulling at me. However, it never fails to be a good time for all of us. We talk about Good and Evil, Aslan and the White Witch, choices, freedom, and 'what in the world is 'Turkish delight?''. My kids are grasping concepts that seem to be more easily understood when there are talking animals and magic rings.

And if I really couldn't get enough of the allegorical fantasy, I am reading The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien, on my own. Love it.

I love these stories so much that I dream about them while am awake and while I sleep. These days I am either hunting down a dragon, mothering 4 little hobbits, or escaping the monotony of laundry or dishes while riding on a talking horse across the desert.

Now you know a little more of my weirdness.

This morning

2010-12-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

(Taken this morning from my front porch.)

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

What are you going to do?

2010-12-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

We are engulfed in a lethargic, cultural, and co-opted Christianity- it surrounds us and we swim in its narcotic toxicity. Once we grasp this, we realize that our life as believers is to struggle to be authentic in our faith. The miracle is that our search for authenticity will remove fear, strip away co-optation, and bring us to our truest selves as children of God.
-Pastor Nelson Johnson

Andy and I receive the Conspire magazine and I read Nelson Johnson's entry this morning, which included this quote. It is a descriptive picture of what we live in on a daily basis. There are times when I am tempted to downplay this and think, 'oh, its not that bad', and then I am proven wrong when I meet a pastor's wife who is afraid of putting Jesus' name on a flier that will be passed out in a public school. It is all justifiable when I look at it in a worldly vision, but then I put on my Spirit goggles and I see what I am swimming in.

Then when I see clearly, the question arises, "What are you going to do?" If I really believe Jesus, then I will know that I am to stand in the gap, which is Grace and Justice. And the only way I can live that out is through listening to His Spirit (not my own ideas or any others', for that matter). I must pray, so that all of me will be emptied and His Spirit would fill me, giving me power and compassion in the gap of Grace and Justice.

This is scary. It affects my relationships and causes me to stand for something that is hard to see clearly. It causes awkwardness and the temptation to defend myself. At times, I look ahead and fear the lonely road in front of me. I'm not trying to be dramatic or fatalistic. It is reality; it is also full of Joy and Hope. The Spirit frees us from fear and sets our eyes on Truth, giving us the ability to walk in authenticity and vulnerability.

More releasing....

2010-11-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine encouraged me the other day with these words,

"We get to trust our husbands."

This is a good perspective for us as women. It takes the "have to" out and replaces it with an opportunity; God is releasing us from worry and strife. I like that. But, man, sometimes it is hard.

Father, help me.

Rice and Beans for the Kingdom

2010-11-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

To keep my brain from fretting over silly things like "what to make for dinner", I have been planing a monthly menu. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. This is a system I implemented a few months ago and it works for me.

So this is the new thing I am implementing into our meal schedule: Rice and Beans.

I have put it on our menu calendar to have this meal once every week. It is simple and it gets us just a tiny bit closer to understanding our friends who don't have a lot of money to eat anything more extravagant.

It seems to be a tiny and fairly insignificant change to our diet, but every effort, in the name of Jesus, counts. Even in our eating and drinking, we want our lives to live out the efforts to bring the Kingdom of God closer to our hearts, minds, and neighbors.

Here are some folks, right here in Portland who have presented a challenge for the month of March. Their 3 reasons for it are: solidarity, simplicity, and sharing. Read more here.

Would you like to try it out and join us once a week?

Faith

2010-11-11T20:37:00.000-08:00

Remember the very time for faith to work is when our sight begins to fail. And the greater the difficulties, the easier it is for faith to work, for as long as we can see certain natural solutions to our problems, we will not have faith. Faith never works as easily as when our natural prospects fail.

-George Mueller

Carpet in the dining room

2010-11-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

Ally came quietly around the corner the other morning and said to me, apprehensively, "Mama, there is something on the floor by the table." And because I know my daughter, I knew it was not good.

I turned the corner to see raspberry freezer jam splatted all over the carpet. And in these moments, I honestly don't do well. I would like to say that I was the sweetest mother ever and announced how it was 'no problem'. But I would be lying. I did a dramatic deep gasp and shouted at everyone to 'go into their bedrooms because mama had some serious work to do'. They saw the fire in my eyes and ran for the hills. Good choice, children.

It took me a good solid half an hour to clean this mess up. And while I fussed, fumed, and asked Jesus for help, he calmed me down.

Miraculously, the spot is completely gone. Not only was I calm and collected (praise the Lord!), I was quite proud of this amazing spot removing ability I have developed over the last 7 years (thank you, Jesus).

But I do need to take a moment and make a very desperate and whiny request...
Oh my Father, Giver of all good gifts, may I please have hard wood floors in my dining room?

And, who was the genius who decided to put carpet there in the first place? Come on.

Celebrating candy

2010-11-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Eva as the Exhausted Housewife

Ally as the Beautiful Ballerina

Avery as the Lego brick

This year I was determined not spend any money on Halloween costumes. We had so much fun making these outfits. The memories of creating something silly together was great. Especially Eva's costume, she was a crack up. Andy and his brother, Casey, took the kids out trick-or-treating while Luci stayed home with me to hand out candy to the herds of little children.

**And I am satisfied because we got rid of ALL of our junk candy that has been hanging around our house since LAST Halloween! YES!!

The baby

2010-11-02T21:26:00.001-07:00

I think we may have been talking about little baby Moses too much the other day.

Little piles of leaves

2010-10-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

There have been many moments in my life when I just have to smile and be so thankful. Last week I walked out of my front door and saw my kids and some of the neighbor kids raking up everyone's leaves into little piles up and down our street. They were having fun, happily working together, and also having a competition to see who could get the most leaves in their garbage bags. It was the best.

A lot of our neighbor kids do not know the love of Jesus and my kids and I have had lots of times to talk through ideas and struggles of how to be His Light. I am constantly reminding myself of how much they are also part of the Kingdom and how much we, as parents, must give them opportunities to act it out. Not only do we need to release them, we must encourage them and praise them in these moments.
Thank you, Jesus for my kids, our neighbor kids, and how I had an opportunity to witness a little glimpse of your Kingdom again. Help Andy and I to be an encouragement to these little ones as they stumble through a life of living for You.
And Holy Spirit, give them strength and courage to keep raking little piles of leaves together.

Desire

2010-10-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

Every desire within us that calls to God already constitutes a prayer. Your desire is already your prayer. There is an inward prayer that never stops: your desire. If you want to pray, then never stop desiring.
St. Augustine- Commentary on Psalm 37
(Just HAD to copy it from this friend)

Psalm 37 (NLT)
A psalm of David.
¹ Don’t worry about the wicked
or envy those who do wrong.
² For like grass, they soon fade away.
Like spring flowers, they soon wither.
³ Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
⁵ Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
⁶ He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
⁷ Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.
⁸ Stop being angry!
Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
it only leads to harm.
⁹ For the wicked will be destroyed,
but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.
¹⁰ Soon the wicked will disappear.
Though you look for them, they will be gone.
¹¹ The lowly will possess the land
and will live in peace and prosperity.
¹² The wicked plot against the godly;
they snarl at them in defiance.
¹³ But the Lord just laughs,
for he sees their day of judgment coming.
¹⁴ The wicked draw their swords
and string their bows
to kill the poor and the oppressed,
to slaughter those who do right.
¹⁵ But their swords will stab their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
¹⁶ It is better to be godly and have little
than to be evil and rich.
¹⁷ For the strength of the wicked will be shattered,
but the Lord takes care of the godly.
¹⁸ Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent,
and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever.
¹⁹ They will not be disgraced in hard times;
even in famine they will have more than enough.
²⁰ But the wicked will die.
The Lord’s enemies are like flowers in a field—
they will disappear like smoke.
²¹ The wicked borrow and never repay,
but the godly are generous givers.
²² Those the Lord blesses will possess the land,
but those he curses will die.
²³ The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
²⁴ Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.
²⁵ Once I was young, and now I am old.
Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned
or their children begging for bread.
²⁶ The godly always give generous loans to others,
and their children are a blessing.
²⁷ Turn from evil and do good,
and you will live in the land forever.
²⁸ For the Lord loves justice,
and he will never abandon the godly.
He will keep them safe forever,
but the children of the wicked will die.
²⁹ The godly will possess the land
and will live there forever.
³⁰ The godly offer good counsel;
they teach right from wrong.
³¹ They have made God’s law their own,
so they will never slip from his path.
³² The wicked wait in ambush for the godly,
looking for an excuse to kill them.
³³ But the Lord will not let the wicked succeed
or let the godly be condemned when they are put on trial.
³⁴ Put your hope in the Lord.
Travel steadily along his path.
He will honor you by giving you the land.
You will see the wicked destroyed.
³⁵ I have seen wicked and ruthless people
flourishing like a tree in its native soil.
³⁶ But when I looked again, they were gone!
Though I searched for them, I could not find them!
³⁷ Look at those who are honest and good,
for a wonderful future awaits those who love peace.
³⁸ But the rebellious will be destroyed;
they have no future.
³⁹ The Lord rescues the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
⁴⁰ The Lord helps them,
rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
and they find shelter in him.

re-defining

2010-10-11T09:13:00.001-07:00

I had the definition of REPENT cleared up for me a few weeks back.

RE- to come back to, to return

PENT- high place

Repent- To return to the High place.

This is a good one to meditate on. It has adjusted my mindset of the idea and Jesus Christ's command for us. It has NO negative vibe at all. Unfortunately, the Church has painted a different picture of what "repent" is. I don't believe it has been intentional, but the negative bent is just more human.

It makes sense to us that God would want us to grovel at His feet. Our tiny little conditional brains have a hard time grasping the idea that God loves us so much that He wants us to come back to the High place. As sons and daughters of the King of kings, we have been adopted into royalty, put in a position of high authority, power and responsibility.

Are we going to return to this position and stop groveling at His feet? He is waiting for us to look up and see His face shining on us and loving us, beckoning us to sit with Him.

Luci Goose has turned 1!

2010-10-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

So I am a little slow on the uptake...Luci's birthday was Sept. 26. How is my baby growing up so fast?

What a happy little thing. Fourth child, baby, picked up all the time by everyone, and I think she already has quite a sense of humor. I have a sneaky suspicion that she will be the entertainer.

Lucilla Ann. Her name means "Light Bringer, Graceful Understanding". We all need a little more of that now, don't we?

Jesus, bless my sweet little girl. Give her the strength and courage to find your Graceful Understanding in her own life so that she may be a vessel of your Light. Amen.

Today's revelation

2010-10-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

So, today I realized something...or at least put words to something I knew.

Avery is a giver, Ally is a receiver. Ah, ha! So THAT is why they get along so well!

Still trying to figure out what Eva is. The only words I can describe her with are, "emotional, and impulsive".

Luci is still being molded into her own personality...we will see.

The journey of discovering who my children really are is quite amazing. God, help me!

This little light of mine...

2010-10-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have thought a lot about light recently. As followers of Jesus, we are to live as children of the Light. Our Light is the Lamb of God, Jesus, Our Savior.

When I think of "light", I think of a candle. A candle stands with its flame exposed to the surroundings, completely vulnerable. This picture is a great parallel to how we should live our lives. Vulnerable, exposed, ready to experience the environment around us while we stand confident that our Light is an everlasting light.

This is a little scary, or maybe really scary, thinking about risking our reputation, well being, health, comfort, etc. But if we want to live as Jesus lived (which we can because we have His Spirit living in us), then we have to live in the Truth of who we are, good or bad.

This is what Paul says about "light" in Ephesians 5:8-14:

For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said,
“Awake, O sleeper,
rise up from the dead,
and Christ will give you light.”

So, as we live in the Light, more Truth will be exposed, not only in us but others as well.

Don't hide your candle under a bushel!

Thank you, Mama T

2010-10-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

People think I go to bring Christ to the poor. They do not understand that it is in the poor that I meet Christ.
Mother Teresa

Being a real mother

2010-10-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

One of my new favorite authors is Anne Lamott. I've read a few of her books during the last couple months and have enjoyed her willingness to be transparent with her life, and quite funny at the same time. She inspires me to be more vulnerable with my inadequacies, secret sins and weaknesses. I don't always agree with her opinions, but I fully agree with her honesty and her willingness to pursue the path of Jesus, even when it is hard and uncomfortable.

I just read chapter 9 of her, "Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith". She wrote honestly of many of her thoughts, experiences, and emotions of parenting her son. After reading it, it inspired me to continue to break the chain of secrets.

I have 4 children. I love Jesus. I love my children and have learned more about myself while parenting then anything else I have ever done. Parenting has brought out the best and worst in me. Parenting has given me more Joy in life than I could have ever imagined. But to be completely honest, the daily grind in parenting can be the most daunting, monotonous, boring and frustrating things you will ever do. Walking through chores, step by step, as if they had never done them before can make you do things you swear you'd never do. Finding patience and the ability to teach in the midst of sibling rivalry sometimes seems absolutely impossible. Being consistent is sometimes the last thing you want to do when you have given spanking after spanking, time out after time out, and you wonder if the consequences will ever sink into their little brain.

I have been more physically angry with my children than I have with ANYONE, even my husband. I have yelled, squeezed, grabbed, growled, and broken things out of anger towards my children. Potty-training seems to be my most volatile times, draining every ounce of patience, kindness, and gentleness and replacing those good things with frustration, impatience, roughness, and ogre-ness. Just thinking about teaching my children to pee and poop in the toilet makes me cringe.

At times I have looked at my children, sleeping peacefully after a rough day and wondered how in the world I could have treated them as if they were a piece of dirt. The shame that comes after the storm of anger and emotion can overwhelm you. And there were a few years when the cycle of storm, shame, and groveling happened. There seemed to be no hope in sight of being able to muster up kindness or self-control. My fleshy-ness was so strong I wondered if my children could make it without hating me.

I'm telling you these things because I realize it happens to A LOT of mommies. These emotions and experiences are real. I am a real person, which means I have real emotions that hurt people, including my children. And it is only because I know Jesus and have a fairly healthy marriage that I have not hurt my children to the point of abuse. I have hurt them, emotionally and physically- but miraculously they have been protected by the Grace of God.

I have claimed that I desire to be real, not only with the people around me, but with everyone who reads my blog. Jesus loves me even when I mess up and the last thing I want to do is paint a pretty picture of Fake Serenity. That is just silly. What I want to do is be at a place where people can be real back to me. It goes both ways- transparency brings out transparency.

Mothering has become fun for me, not because it is what I always dreamed about. It has become fun because I have become more willing to know what I can and can't do. I have learned to begin leaning on the Lord for my weaknesses, like potty training. And believe me, learning to laugh and have patience in the midst of a small child holding themselves for hours until exploding all over the bathroom floor, is a miracle.

Praise the Lord for His kindness and grace over me. And praise the Lord for the ability to laugh.

Super heroes who suffer and feel pain

2010-09-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

I had mentioned something about pain and Joy the other day and God has had me meditate on this for a while. He is wanting to give me more understanding of His Heart- and that usually means experiencing some suffering and pain. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, it is the Truth.

Today, I imagine the beatings and suffering He took on the day that He was crucified. The physical beating and torture was just scraping the surface. He then took all pain, sin, and darkness and experienced it. All of it. He felt not only my pains, but the pains of this whole world.

Imagine it. The pains of babies who have been left in their cribs for days, the lonely cries of dying men and women in dark corners, the pain of parents who lose their children, miscarraiges, abortion, the pain of loving someone who doesn't love you, hungry children, parents who are in despair because they don't have money to feed their children, hate, greed, too much money, too little money, debt, devastation of homes and cities, poverty, murder, war, death, gluttony, lust, unrealistic expectations, broken bodies that don't work properly, sickness, despair, loss of hope, garbage landfills that children live in, father wounds that pierce the soul, sexual abuse, child abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, words unspoken, the children who have never been touched or held, sadness, and so many tears shed and kept inside.

Jesus, my Savior, took all of this and more. Showing us that He is taking our new Life in Him and bringing Hope to all of this. He gives us Hope for a new world, and a new Kingdom. And not someday down the road, but now. If we believe He did this, He calls us to believe in His Kingdom that reigns in the hearts that His Spirit dwell in. He calls us into action to bring Hope to this dark world. He calls us to find HIM in the least of these.

WE ARE THE ANSWER.

I often get distracted by the things of this world, tempting me to forget the seriousness of this call. There are days when the only people I think of are myself and my family. I tend to forget the rest of my family and those who don't know that my Father is wanting to adopt them or, more than that, He HAS adopted them.

I also forget that He has given me the strength to walk to the painful places, not only in my life, but in lives of others. Maybe I don't always forget....sometimes I am just unwilling. We can't be the answer if we are unwilling.

I remember years back when I was talking with my friend about how Jesus has given us the ability to be like super-heroes. We joked about leaping from building to building, flying, and lighting things on fire with our eyes. But we didn't talk about how hard it is to be a super-hero. Often lonely, not noticed, doing good deeds secretly, etc. Super-heroes go to those in pain, in need, give hope to those who are suffering and hurting.

His Spirit, that is ALL of God, lives in us and gives us love, power, strength, and humility to go to the places of pain to give Hope in our True Super-Hero.

Jesus, help us realize the strength that lives inside of us. Help us to be bold and courageous so that we can bring the Kingdom to those who are hopeless. Thank you for always loving us.

My Ally-gator

2010-09-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

So, I have a little 6 year old girl named, Ally, who makes me laugh. This is what she wrote today when we were working on creating poetry (we were trying to have fun with words):

Luci eats butterflies with Eva.

I will now write that on a piece of paper and paste it to my fridge for the many moments I get too serious with myself.

"I praise you, God, because (my children) am fearfully and wonderfully made!" Psalm 139:14

Opportunity

2010-09-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend I spoke at a women's conference, at George Fox University. It has been one of those looming hurdles for the last 4 weeks and I am proud to say I sailed over it with flying colors!

Speaking is not something that comes naturally for me, so this weekend was a very supernatural experience. It was a blessing for me to be His mouthpiece for the day. I am honored, humbled, amazed, and so completely awestruck that I have a life exciting enough to be asked to share with women about....and people actually want to come and listen! Woah. That is a gift.

God is so good, so merciful, and so full of grace to want me to share Him with other women.

Thank you, thank you God for giving me such a beautiful, story of redeeming Love. And thank you, Holy Spirit for giving me strength, courage, boldness, and love to speak when I had so many butterflies fluttering in my tummy.

I'm celebrating

2010-09-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, during the food pantry, our family was invited to a Mexican fiesta!!!

I can't even tell you how exciting that was for me. Not because I've always wanted to party down with the Mexicans, but because my hope and prayer has been that I become friends with the people who come to my house for food. I want to know them, not just give them food.

So, unfortunately, we can't make it to this party. BUT, they have opened an invitation for our family to their next fiesta, and I cannot wait. Oh, to only imagine our white American family join in with a wild group of Mexicans. I giggle and get goosebumps thinking about how wonderful, slightly awkward, and totally exciting that is.

Give me a little Tequila (with my nose plugged) and I should be on the dance floor in no time.

Let the Kingdom come!

What I am learning this week

2010-09-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

If you want to experience pure joy, you must be ready to experience pure pain. Pure, heart breaking pain that makes you ache for the only cure.....Jesus.

Oh, Jesus. Come place your healing hand on my heart, because I want to know the Joy that only comes from you.

Summer overview

2010-09-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Since I have been the worst at updating about children, family and every day stuff, here goes.....

We started this summer off with a bang, opening up the Jubilee Food pantry

Avery got his first mohawk
Luci went on her first bike ride and could barely see a thing
Gazed and yanked at lots of beautiful flowers
Buddies came over to play
Loved on eachother
Nursed my last baby
Avery, Ally, and Eva each went camping alone with Daddy

Eva turned 4 on July 6
We had an awesome neighborhood street BBQ
Andy did demolition derby and landscaped phase one and two of our new beds/path we will be planting next spring on our side yard. And...he got heat exhaustion because he's a crazy man and worked his tail off on a 98 degree day.
Had a Coulombe family reunion

Found lots of critters
Our annual Wallowa Lake trip with my side of the family
Went camping with Andy's side of the family
Ate lots of sweet, buttery corn
Played hard
Made mud cakes, pies and cookies
Harvested carrots, onions, tomatoes (still waiting for more), basil, oregano, and rosemary.

Oh my goodness....if you are still reading this, you are a trooper. I have to go to bed now. Maybe I'll post more later. Until then, buenas noches.

When things don't make sense.....

2010-09-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

...I tend to place inappropriate judgment.

Like when I met this lady.

There have been many moments God has proven me wrong. Not in the way you would think to prove me wrong, but in reminding me of His Truth. I may be right in my assumption, but wrong in my judgment. Often times, I judge out of my flesh, my imperfection, which then causes me to withhold the things of God.

There have been times when some have asked us, 'Doesn't it bother you when folks drive up to your house, step out of their Cadillac Escalade and then ask for food?'
To be honest with you, yes, it does bother me. It doesn't feel or look right. And it doesn't make sense. But I also know that often times, they go home to their small apartment that houses 10 people and their fridge is bare.

I could be right with all these things, I could be wrong. But Jesus has asked us to Love, no matter what and to share, no matter what. Not because of anything they have or haven't done or anything I have or haven't done but because of my love for Jesus and because of what I know that HE has done for me and them.

In my poverty, imperfection and sin, I am Redeemed. His blood covers me, His Spirit lives in me, and I am called Pure. When God looks at me, He sees His Son. And if I believe this, I have to believe that when people see me, they see Jesus. And if I announce my faith in Jesus, but withhold love (or food) from them because of the car they drive, I am a LIAR.

I believe that Jesus is The Unconditional, Lavish Lover and Giver. I know this personally. I know this and believe this so passionately and so intimately that I want others to know this. So, I choose to share and love freely. Often times this happens without any words (especially lately because I cannot fluently speak Spanish). I smile, hand them a bag of food, give them a cup of water, and sit with them.

So, when things don't make sense, I encourage you to say, "I believe you, Jesus." And then walk like He would.

Back to the Basics

2010-09-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

What is the hardest thing to teach a child?

To share.

I am still learning how to share. It is not easy, yet it is simple and profound. It goes against all of our humanness.

I have found that sharing is key to understanding the Gospel of Jesus and key to bringing the Kingdom of God everywhere we go.

When I choose to share, I am saying, "I am satisfied with what I have and I know that I will never be in need. What has been given to me, I give to you."

When I choose to share, I am saying, "This is special to me, but you are more special."

When we share, suddenly, the Kingdom of God seems more attainable and more real. Letting go of the things we hold tightly because of our love for Jesus, gives us an opportunity to take a deep breath and smile. This simple key is acting out our faith in what we have in Jesus.

What do we have in Jesus? We have ALL of Him. We have ALL of what He has. We have eternal life because He chose to give up everything He had for us. And what we have will never go away leave us lacking.

As a family, we value the gift of sharing. It isn't something that is just for our children. Our children would not truly learn how to share if we, thier parents, were not practicing it. We know that if our children can share, their understanding of the Gospel can come more quickly.

Sharing goes against everything we are taught by the world. Our minds must be renewed by His Spirit for us to understand the backwards ways of the Kingdom. When I see my kids arguing over a toy or their favorite sugar cereal, I completely understand. I see the fear in their eyes of what is good will be gone forever. I feel these things too, yet I am not a child anymore. I have learned the Truth and know that I have what I need and will be more than okay if everything in this world is taken from me. (Yes, more to learn on that one.)

As for my children, I teach not only by example but by asking them to share out of their love for each other and Jesus. This does not always make sense to them, but they always know deep in their hearts that it is the Truth. My job as a parent is to bring that Truth to the surface and help them walk it out.

These are hard lessons for all of us. But if we chose to let them choose what they shared, it would not be teaching Truth. It would be teaching inconsistency and conditional love. We want to teach (as best as we can) that God's love is consistent and unconditional.

The Truth is: God shares everything that He has with everyone who will receive, no matter what.

Elisabeth Elliot Daily Devotional

2010-09-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not moving today, but Elisabeth Elliot's devotion today expresses my prayer of many days.
I have written recently on my systems and ways of doing things. Again, my prayer is that I can hear His voice through my insistence on getting things done and doing things my way.
And that I don't bowl anyone over with the tropical storm going on inside of me.

"Title: The Calm Spirit of Christ
Author: Elisabeth Elliot

Today is moving day. There will be plenty of reason for fretting and stewing, impatience, and turbulence. I am one who seems to feel that unless I do things or unless they are done my way, they will not be done right, and the day will
disintegrate. But I have been watching the sea--very turbulent this morning
because of a tropical storm hundreds of miles away--and I remember Him whose
word was enough to calm it.
Speak that word to me today, dear Lord: peace.
Let your calm spirit, through the many potentially rough minutes of this day, in
every task, say to my soul, Be still. Even this day's chaos, with all its
clutter and exertion, will be ordered by your quiet power if my heart is subject
to your word of peace. Thank You, Lord."

Crazy systems

2010-09-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

One of my "systems" up until a couple years ago was ensuring that my house was clean. And it really wasn't much of a system, it just happened on a constant cleaning binge basis. I didn't talk about it much, it was just part of keeping myself from going totally nuts. I cleaned out of fear of going nuts with a mess, so I went nuts cleaning. I know, it doesn't make sense. It is a control thing.

In my world of mothering 4 children, marriage, homeschooling, food pantry, chores, and other daily life activities, there are many moments of feeling completely out of control. So having something that I could manage and keep straight seemed good to me. And in the eyes of the world, it is justifiable. But in the eyes of God, it is still freaking out, wanting control, and sacrificing precious moments with my family.

Just like the rest of my life with Jesus, I am seeing that each system or way of doing things or way of thinking must be renewed and made clean by Him. And I know that I will have seasons of this throughout my life. Relearning how to do life through His eyes, hands, and feet.

Thank goodness for His Grace and Mercy over my life. I am thankful He doesn't count these things against me.

Lord, help me in my weakness to make me strong in You. And bless me with the ability to surrender!

Lovely Lori

2010-09-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

On our journey around the States, working with all types of ministries that spread the Gospel of Jesus, we met SO many people. There were many times I sat in awe of what an opportunity God had given us. I was given so many treasures that can never be taken away from me.

This lovely lady is one of those treasures.....

Lori Ventola

She has just won the Donald Miller Living a Better Story Blog Contest!!! We are so looking forward to seeing her again when she travels up here to Portland!!

We met her at Joshua Station, a transitional home for homeless families. She had chosen to be a volunteer resident and lived among the families who needed a source of Light in dark times. As we traveled we usually stayed for a maximum of 2 weeks, so we made every effort to REALLY get to know folks. We had little time, but God made every moment so valuable. Our time was not only worth it because of the transitioning families we met at Joshua Station, but because of this Lovely, Lady, Lori.

We love you, Lori and are SO proud of you!!

Sometimes...

2010-08-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

....I get overwhelmed.

Take for instance, this blog. I think the last post was in June. The moments and thoughts that I'd like to write about start piling up like a snowball and then I just quit. Lots of activities, hobbies, sounds, thoughts, and tasks are not my forte. I am not good at multi-tasking. And for the sake of justification, I don't believe I should be good at it. (I think that is a lie that someone started spreading to all us women.) Attempting to multi-task causes me to be freaked out and stupid.

To be honest, it is only by the grace of God that I am not holed up in my closet, sucking my thumb, while all four kids and husband, run a-muck.

God made me a right-brained, artsy, dreamland thinker. You'd think this type of person would be pretty easy-going, floating around and smiling all the time. And if everything in the world were right and good, then yes, this might be true. But it makes me laugh with that vision in my head now.

This is why God made people like Andy, my sweet, get-shit-done, husband. Yes, I said the "sh" word because that is what he does. I don't know where I would be without him, really. He helps me stay focused, helps me with tasks, and keeps me reigned in by reminding me to take things one thing at a time. He helps me create systems.

The Holy Spirit and systems keep me above water.

I discovered the Holy Spirit about 7 years ago. With Him, my husband, and a couple very close friends, I have been counseled through hurts, pains, dysfunction, emotions, and the ability to critically think.

I have only discovered systems and my need for them 2 years ago. Maybe because I have more kids and less time to figure stuff out. Maybe because I have finally sorted through enough of my spiritual and emotional junk that now I can finally think about practical things that make my daily life look and feel like Jesus. Whatever reason it is, it is God's timing. And I am ready to learn.

And while I discover this and learn new life management skills I ask for a healthy fear of systems. They are of the world. Yes, God created the world, but is not IN the world. He lives in me and gives me the power to do all things through Him. Relying on anything else will only cause failure. Systems is a gift that He is offering while I am here in the world.

I know and love too many people who have either rejected systems because they don't want to have to use something of the world OR they have received them and relied too heavily on them. God gives and He also takes away. We can receive His gifts and keep our hands open, we can recieve His gifts and become reliant on them, or we can reject His gifts and miss out on what He offers us through them.

I pray for a healthy perspective and reliance on His Spirit for wisdom in knowing the difference between His gifts and Himself and to not be afraid of either one.

Real

2010-07-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. But I read it again to my kids the other day and this quote made me love it again, with new understanding. I have always desired to be "real". Not necessarily how this book describes it- I've done a lot of things to try and be real. I've traveled the world, partied really hard, given my heart away to numerous people, rebelled against my parents, smoked like a chimney for a while, and on and on. None of my own things ever worked out well for me, until I let someone really love me....mainly my husband.

Being loved hurts, cuz it means that you have to love back, be vulnerable, and let people see the ugly parts of you. I still struggle with being Real. I agree with the Skin Horse...being Real is something you become, over a long, long time. I'm thankful that I am letting myself become and at the same time, thankful that it doesn't happen all at once.

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to the people who don't understand.

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.
But the Skin Horse only smiled.

More fuel to the fire

2010-06-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Andy and I just watched Food, Inc., a documentary on what has happened to food production in America, mainly. We've watched a few other documentaries like this one, have read books, and talked with folks who farm organically and sustainably. Both of us are sold on the fact that the mass production of food has gone drastically downhill.

I was taught, by my father (one of the only licensed organic/sustainable landscaper in the Portland area) to take care of living things and keep the dirt really healthy. When the dirt is healthy, that usually means everything else is healthy also. Composting, recycling, and growing a good garden have been ingrained in my life. But now, there is so much more to think about.

If I watched Food, Inc. without having any other knowledge, I would be totally discouraged and overwhelmed. Where in the heck do you start?

I am far from being the most well-informed, purposeful consumer. It is a way of life that takes time, energy, money, and careful decisions.

I think I'll talk more on this in the next few posts. What we eat, buy, and support is a big deal to Andy and I.

Felicity

2010-06-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

A little over 3 1/2 years ago I met a lady named, Felicity. I haven't written about her at all. She is often on my mind and I have cried many tears for her over the years. Meeting Felicity downtown Portland was a huge marker in my life. Her story and her life continue to speak to my heart and teach me about who Jesus is and it has broken me.

Let me share about her.

Our family was walking around downtown with some bags of snacks and water bottles one day. We were headed to where the Rescue Mission was and passed by the unemployment office. And right when I passed the doorway to the office, Felicity walked out, crying. My heart lurched for a second...I needed to do something. I stopped and asked her if she was okay and she just gushed with her sad story. I began to cry with her and at that moment the only thing I knew to do was hug her and pray with her. She knew of Jesus, but she had fallen hard and felt hopeless. Her kids had been taken from her, she had lost her job because she had started drinking again, the unemployment office couldn't help and she was selling herself.

After we talked and prayed together, she had to go but there was something about her that sunk deep. I couldn't stop thinking about her. And the only thing I could do was pray.

The next week, we had our dinner under the bridge with many homeless. An hour or so into our time downtown, Felicity walked up to get a meal!!! I was ecstatic and amazed that God would bring us together again. We talked and prayed again together and she shared that she wanted to try to get into Shepherd's Door (a program and shelter for women and children) but it was all the way across town and she didn't have money for bus fare. Easy. We got her bus fare for the next morning. I hoped and prayed that she would go. I called Shepherd's Door the next morning to check and see if she made it okay and Felicity was sitting in the waiting room right at that moment. Oh, praise the Lord! I was so excited for her and cheered for her, thanking Jesus for giving her strength to get there.

I wrote a letter to her a month later, but never heard back. And then visited Shepherd's Door a few months after that. Felicity had dropped out of the program.

What?! My heart sank. I grieved for Felicity. We prayed for her again.

I did not see Felicity again for over a year. Our family left on our trip around the country and we didn't know when we would be back to Portland.

We got back last June (have we really been home a year already?) and after we settled back into our home we drove our family to our old stomping grounds of downtown Portland. It felt good. The second time we returned, it was one of the hottest days of the summer. A bunch of us were walking around with ice cold water bottles for everyone who looked thirsty. As we walked back towards our car, we spot a large group of pretty bad lookin' fellas with a couple ladies. One of those ladies was Felicity. I ran to her and grabbed her hands. I looked at her and started to cry. Her legs were full of scratches, her eyes were glazed, she smelled, she looked dirty, but she remembered me and she remembered my name. She was with these guys who were most likely using her and giving her drugs. She started crying and as we both looked at each other, I asked her "Why? What are you doing here?" She just kept crying and saying she didn't know. My friend and I prayed for her again. I cried for her again. And then I released her again.

I have not seen Felicity since then. Whenever I am downtown I look for her and hope I might get another chance to hug her and tell her how much I love her and how much Jesus loves her. Jesus, please become real to her.

This is my testimony of His love for all of us. He longs for us and loves us so much that He will send other followers to find us when we are lost. He knows that I am broken, but He lets me love her and lets me feel His aching heart for Felicity. I can't love her without Him and He chose to love her through me. I am this fleshy, vulnerable, vessel of His and it hurts me to love.

I have desperately wanted to take Felicity away from the harsh world and keep her sheltered in my home. I really have thought about it. But I have also heard the words of His Spirit say, "You cannot save her, Serenity. That is My job. I know her and I will never push her into loving me back. She has to choose to love me."

Oh, that is so hard. To know that our Father gives us the freedom to choose who/what we love is amazing and horrific at the same time. Jesus, thank you for saving me, forgiving all of my sins and showing us how to live. Holy Spirit, teach me who my God is and keep me vulnerable. Father, thank you for loving me.

Jubilee Food Pantry

2010-06-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

The Jubilee Food Pantry has been officially opened for the last two Tuesdays! We have had 4 families come to receive food as well as lots of family and friends who have come to help, support and encourage us. The food shelves are stocked to overflowing, praise the Lord!

I keep getting this picture of stepping into the shallow waters of the ocean and looking at the great expanse in front. We are committed. Our garage has been remodeled to be a food pantry for Hubbard, OR and surrounding areas. This is a big deal. And this is only the shallow beginnings of what it means to dive into your community with an intent to love. What will they do with us?

I had a chance to pray with a couple ladies last week. Wow, it felt good. They were willing to receive and it was one of those moments when you could feel the heaviness of His Spirit flowing through and sinking deep. I'm praying for those ladies to let themselves receive more of Him and His love.

We are asking the Lord for His covering over our home, children, and credibility here in the community. We want to be honest, gentle, consistent and trustworthy. We cannot do this without His help and His power in our lives. I have been constantly reminded recently of how useless I am without Him. Without Him I am a conditional friend, a selfish mom, a nosy neighbor, and an unhealthy wife. These things will not bring the power of God into this community. I pray for grace and mercy to fall all over Andy and I as we stumble through this new way of life.

All I know is that I am willing and ready for God to use me. That's all He wants. He knows we will make mistakes, I just have to be okay with that and be ready to learn from them.

Thank you Jesus for such an amazing, creative way we can reach out and love on our neighbors. Use us for your glory!

More on Unity...

2010-05-24T09:53:00.001-07:00

Title: Dispensers of Grace
Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Each Christian is a dispenser. God has supplied each one with gifts He has selected (He does not offer an array of options), with the good of all in mind. When we imagine that these gifts are for our own mere satisfaction, we are forgetting they are intended for service. All that I have is meant to contribute to the needs of others, and what I need will be supplied through God's dispensers. Thus He unifies and harmonizes the whole church, which is his body, making each dispenser indispensable, for each dispenses a grace which is peculiarly his.
"Serve one another with the particular gifts God has given each of you, as faithful dispensers of the magnificently varied grace of God" (l Pt 4:10 NEB).

This makes me laugh every time

2010-05-23T21:27:00.001-07:00

United as One

2010-05-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

So many blog posts in my mind, so little time...

I guess I just have to pick one and go for it.

I'm still reading through The Normal Christian Life. I just had to share more. Nee is speaking about the Body of Christ and before this quote below he states that the Body is not an illustration but a fact. We ARE the Body of Christ.

"In Adam I have the life of Adam, but that is essentially individual. There is no union, no fellowship in sin, but only self-interest and distrust of others. As I go on with the Lord I soon discover, not only that the problem of sin and of my natural strength has to be dealt with, but that there is also a further problem created by my "individual" life, the life that is sufficient in itself and does not recognize its need for, and union in, the Body. I may have got over the problems of sin and the flesh, and yet still be a confirmed individualist. I want holiness and victory and fruitfulness for myself personally and apart, albeit from the purest motives. But such an attitude ignores the Body, and so cannot provide God with satisfaction. He must deal with me therefore in this matter also, or I shall remain in conflict with his ends. God does not blame me for being an individual, but for my individualism. His greatest problem is not the outward divisions and denominations that divide his Church, but our own individualistic hearts.

Yes, the Cross must do its work here, reminding me that in Christ I have died to that old life of independence which I inherited from Adam, and that in resurrection I have become not just an individual believer in Christ but a member of his Body. There is a vast difference between the two. When I see this I shall at once have done with independence and shall seek fellowship. The life of Christ in me will gravitate to the life of Christ in others. I can no longer take an individual line. Jealousy will go. Competition will go. Private work will go. My interests, my ambitions, my preferences, all will go. It will no longer matter which of us does the work. All that will matter will be that the Body grows."

I pray this revelation over the Church.

This has made me think a lot about marriage, especially in the American Church. The idea of unity has become foreign and confused. I see divorce right and left in Jesus believing churches, husbands and wives living individual lives under the same roof, marriages falling apart because they just don't talk anymore. But the original intent for marriage was to become ONE, to be united. And if we can't really understand what it means to be united with our spouse, then how in the world can we understand what it means to be One Body of Christ?

Believe me, Andy and I are far from being One. But I must say, we have come far. We have plowed and paved through many roads in 10 years, only to find out we have to plow and pave again. I have said things to Andy that have been so hurtful, it pains me even to think of it. We have spoken out scary, truthful emotions and feelings that have caused sadness, grief, and distrust. But we are still married. And honestly, I am not sorry that we had to walk through all of that. We have asked forgiveness over and over again, forgiven over and over again.

Because of this, Andy and I are united. Not always on the same page, but united. One of us always "rolls to the middle" (one of my favorite Sara Groves songs, by the way) no matter how mad we are. And in this unity, there is safety. I know what I can lean on Andy for. We work together and we don't get jealous of one another. I am a better parent when he is around. I find peace and completeness when Andy is home.

The Body of Christ is definitely a fact. We are the Living, Breathing, Body of Christ. And there is no program or scientific method of how to understand this, it is only the Holy Spirit who can give us revelation in this. And it takes us, as the Body, to not give up, to forgive, to be honest, to be humble and to pursue one another. Just like marriage, it is a process of finding true love and letting yourself be vulnerable. (Lord, help us to be vulnerable in safe places.)

Lord Jesus, help us to see that we are not just individual believers seeking holiness, but in fact, One Body that brings Him glory and truly satisfies Him.

Picture updates

2010-05-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Day trip to Silver Falls. I am so blessed to live here.

My big and strong Andy-man and happy little Luci.

Avery, Eva and Ally

Who's the Diva in this picture?

Luci is such a light. 7 months old!

Date night

2010-05-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

Last week, Andy and I found out some of our favorite singers/songwriters, Andy Gullahorn and Jill Phillips, were going to have a concert up in Olympia, WA. We found out on Friday and the concert was for the next Friday. This was way too good to pass up. We had a whole week to come up with a plan.

Olympia, WA is a 2-3 hour drive from our place and if we went to this concert we wouldn't be back until after midnight.

So let me lay out the scenario for you: Childcare for 4 children, including one 7 month old who really has only taken the bottle from her parents, ever. We had to leave town by 3pm to make it in time to grab dinner and then get to the concert by 7pm. Then, of course, we would not make it back home until after 12midnight. This means 8 or more hours of, preferably free, childcare.

This is how it happened:
3:00-6:00 My parents watch the 3 older kiddos
3:30 Andy and I drive to our friends, in Canby, to drop off Luci and pray for the best
3:40 We speed off to our much anticipated "non-kid" road trip and concert
Meanwhile back at the home front...
6:00 My parents hand off the 3 kids to our neighbors across the street
6:45 Andy's parents swoop in from the long drive from Southern Oregon and pick up the kids from the neighbors and they all get settled back at our house
8:00 Our friends, the Goodmans, drop Luci off back at our house with Andy's parents so she can sleep in her own bed (we later found out she literally cried most of the afternoon/evening and refused to eat, sorry Goodmans!)
1:00am Andy and I roll back in to find everyone peacefully asleep in their cozy beds.

THIS kind of organization is not for the faint of heart, my friends. Going on a real date takes some serious effort, but it is totally worth it!! Andy and I actually had long conversations as we drove in our quiet car, basking in every minute. We love our kids, but man, we do love having some time to just enjoy one another!

Thank the Good Lord for family and friends who were able to help us arrange this web of childcare!

And as for the concert, it was the best one I've been to. We got front row seats and even had an opportunity to talk with both of them afterward.

Andy Gullahorn and Jill Phillips are married and sing their hearts out together. Their lyrics are simple, everyday, stories of the Grace of God. Andy and I have been so encouraged and inspired by their music. You MUST give their music a try! You might even be able to download free tunes on Noisetrade.
Here are their links. Enjoy!

http://www.andygullahorn.com/
http://www.jillphillips.com/

A good book is like a good steak

2010-04-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

You gotta love a book that takes you 2 years to read.

Actually, this book has taken me 2 years to read and I am loving it. A good friend of mine gave it to me before we left on our big journey across the states and I've been taking bits and pieces since then.

Watchman Nee was an early leader in China's house church movement and spent the last 20 years of his life in a communist prison. His passion and intimacy with God is evident. The Spirit has used Nee's words and teaching to bring new light to old Truths to my mind and heart.

Here's just a little snippet:

"Do you know, my friends, that the Spirit within you is very God? Oh, that our eyes were opened to see the greatness of God's gift! Oh, that we might realize the vastness of the resources secreted in our own hearts! I could shout with joy as I think, "The Spirit who dwells within me is no mere influence, but a living Person; he is very God. The infinite God is within my heart!" I am at a loss to convey to you the blessedness of this discovery, that the Holy Spirit dwelling within my heart is a Person. I can only repeat: "He is a Person!" and repeat it again: "He is a Person!" and repeat it yet again: "He is a Person!" Oh, my friends, I would fain repeat it to you a hundred times-The Spirit of God within me is a Person! I am only an earthen vessel, but in that earthen vessel I carry a treasure of unspeakable worth, even the Lord of glory."

Good stuff, huh?
As I have been reading this, in my own walk I am discovering more of this fact. I have the Spirit of God, living in me. That is truly amazing! It gives me confidence in my freedom, my ability to live and walk in the Kingdom of God and not this world.

Do you really know that ALL of God lives in you? Do you know that this gives us power to live in this world and not OF this world?

Amen, amen, amen!

Our little goose is on the loose

2010-04-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

And she's off!!! Fully crawling and going after our toes. This girl is not slowing down. I am holding my breath as we are thrown into the process of baby-proofing our home once again. Little Legos, marbles, puzzle pieces, teeny tiny rocks that have found their way in, pens, pencils, books, etc.
Oh, my. Thank goodness for bedroom doors!

How many times will I pray for Little Luci's safety? Maybe I should start praying, in advance, for those ER doctors.

Praying

2010-04-22T15:26:00.001-07:00

Since my last post I have been praying through a lot.

I'm wondering what I put on my blog and what I keep off. As a Christian, I must be wise with my words and use discernment, especially since no one can see me, touch me, or hear the inflections in my voice. This technology thing is tricky.

I stopped Facebook because I struggled with how much time/energy it sucked out of me and for the fact that half of my "friends" weren't really friends. I also see how it can become a way to feel like you are in relationship with people and not really be. My desire is to be real in person as well as on my blog, no matter what.

My week has been relationally stretching. I'm meditating on this verse once again, "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible but not everything is constructive." 1 Cor. 10:23

I want this blog to be beneficial and constructive to those who read it. And honestly, I don't always pray about what/how I write before I write it. So, you can be sure that this is what I will be doing from now on.

And as for my last post...I will hold off from processing more of that topic for another time.

War and peace

2010-04-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

No, I have never ventured into politics with my blog. And no, I'm not really venturing now....just processing.

As a Christian, I am to live like Jesus Christ, right?

Andy and I have been on quite a journey of what it truly means to live out the Gospel. How do we live like we actually believe the words of Jesus?

War is such a hot topic and honestly it is not one I relish in talking about. There are many times when I would like to just blend in with the crowd rather than have crazy thoughts about peacemaking and turning the other cheek.

But as Andy and I continue to walk the path with Jesus, it is becoming quite clear to us that there are very few American Christians out there who have really taken some time to process this with the Word of Life. If you think I'm joking or being dramatic, just start talking to someone about it.

And it is a big deal. Did Jesus come to give us a sword or did He come to bring the sword? And what kind of sword was He talking about anyways?

So, to process this, I have brought it down to a more personal level. What am I going to teach my children? Am I going to teach them to fight with their fists if the going gets tough? Or am I going to teach them to turn the other cheek?

What I want to teach them is to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with their God. (Micah 6:8) And when Jesus was walking around with his disciples, He was pretty specific on how to do this. Matthew 5, His sermon on the Mount was plainly laid out. I would highly recommend another read through of this passage with some Holy Spirit glasses on, it is quite a trip.

He does not speak of being offensive or defensive, He talks about the Kingdom of God/Heaven. And His actions speak loudly of knowing the Truth and standing firm in it, even when you are being beaten to death and forced to carry your own cross up the hill. He did not fight with those who accused Him, he didn't even defend himself.

So, I am coming to the belief that Jesus asks us to be peacemakers, not cowardly peacekeepers, but peacemakers. Two totally different things. And to keep this going, I don't believe we make peace through war. I don't tell my kids to go hit each other or say hurtful things to make things right. That just doesn't make sense, does it? To hit back is natural, but God calls us to something higher than that. We are called to live by the Spirit.

"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves." Galatians 5:16

Yes, I do believe there will be war and I believe Jesus is going to be at the front lines with his army. But I have a sneaky suspicion it will look way different than our human wars. He will be in charge and all I will have to do is keep following Him.

More processing to come, I'm sure.

Our sustainable friends

2010-04-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of our friends, Matt and Jen Schwab. Please check their NEW WEBSITE ! They have had a vision and are persevering in making it happen. Their vision is to thrive on a sustainable farm, which they have named, Inspiration Plantation. This is year 2 of their work in Ridgefield, WA, and they are finally seeing their house, which they have designed to be energy efficient and green as possible, being built. We went to visit them last weekend and being there gave me even more appreciation for what they are doing. Farm life is hard work, but what a rewarding life! If God would let me, I'd be a farm girl in a heart beat. Much of me just wanted to pitch a tent right there and stay.

Our kids had so much fun with their two big, happy, dogs who, guard and protect all the other animals on the farm. Andy and I talked about how we thought our children would thrive in farm life.

So make sure to check out their website....they will be selling their free range, organically grown chickens soon (they are HUGE AND WONDERFUL!) along with turkeys for Thanksgiving, eggs, and even pig!

Inspiration Plantation has been a gracious giver to our Jubilee Food Pantry, donating chickens and produce for us to hand out when we open in May.

In an age when "being green" is the cool thing to do, Matt and Jen are living it and being beautiful examples of how to truly sustain and thrive while taking care of what God has given them.

Homeschool and the most important lesson

2010-04-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

I truly began my walk with God when I had my first child, Avery. I heard His Spirit speak clearly and lovingly as I rocked my newborn baby in my arms. He said, "Now, just imagine how much I love you." From there, I began to seek God with all my heart, soul and mind. I finally got a taste of who God was through His eyes. If I loved my son this much, at that point I really could not fathom how much God could love me by giving up His son.

And so the journey has gone....

But before Jesus had my heart, I couldn't imagine myself homeschooling my kids. Too many preconceived ideas raced through my mind about what homeschooling meant. I thought of strange, relationally/socially slow children who wore prairie dresses, with long braids, and sang "Kum-ba-yah". And on top of it, I thought of those controlling, homeschool mothers who dressed similarly and thought their children were the most brilliant of all as they stuck up their noses at public schooled children. Yuck. That not only turned me off of to the idea, it made me think sarcastically about those who did homeschool. Sure, there were special miracle cases of homeschoolers who came out as relationally and socially normal young adults, but I didn't want to risk it. My kids were going to public school.

OBVIOUSLY, I've had a change of heart. His Spirit has done a number on my ways of thinking, renewing my mind and flushing out many ideas that somehow got lodged in my brain during my first 24 years of life.

So, why do I homeschool?

1) Because God has given me this opportunity and I don't want to miss out.

2) God has given me a desire to teach my children all that He has taught me.

3) I want to take this time, when my children still think I have all the answers, to teach them who they are, in Christ, without so many peer and worldly distractions.

4) Before I send them out into the world, I hope they would have enough confidence in #3 that they could be a light, rather than risk getting their light snuffed out by the world. I must disciple my children before I send them out to the pack of wolves. Isn't that what Jesus did?

5) I want to really know my kids and enjoy them while they are still young.

6) I want Andy and I to be the primary influence in their lives at this time.

My utmost concern for homeschool is not academics. As a follower of Christ, my concern is to teach my children who God is and lead them into what it means to have a relationship with Jesus, into His Kingdom. Yes, academics is definitely part of school. They have math, reading, writing, some science and some history. As of now, academics is pretty basic anyways (Kindergarten and 1st grade), so I keep it simple.

My approach to homeschool is focused on the positives, not what I want to keep them from. Of course it scares me to send my children out to school on their own, but what mother isn't? But it isn't why I keep them at home. My job is not to keep my kids in a bubble of protection from the world, it is to teach them what is right and good, pray with/for them, and encourage them in who God made them so that they can enter the world confidently.

My previous thoughts and ideas of what homeschool meant were obliterated when I entered into the Kingdom of God. As I keep my eyes on Jesus, all the things of this world fade away and I have begun to see what is True. I do falter and look to the right and left at times. We do have days when I wonder if I have said one kind word to my kids all day. There are days when I am totally distracted. There are many days when I feel so inadequate for this job. And there have been many, many times when I have had to ask my kids forgiveness for forgetting how to treat them and love them how Jesus would.

This is a hard job. Not a job that is humanly possible. My strength and abilities to love and teach my kids all depends on if I let His Spirit work through me and love through me. I cannot do this without Jesus, my Father and the Holy Spirit.

"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

God is not forcing me to do this. He is giving me this opportunity. And if I cannot do this with joy, there is no reason to continue. Finding joy in the midst of mothering, homeschool, chores and marriage is the best Teacher.

So, every morning, Jesus asks me, "Will you let me teach you Joy today?" And as I learn from Him, I unknowingly teach my kids the most important lesson of all.

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit," Romans 14:17

I hope my kids can see, through my life, that there is another way to live. I want them to see that there is another Kingdom set apart just for those who decide to give their lives to Jesus and rely on His Spirit to guide them. And ultimately that this way of life blesses us with pure joy, peace and righteousness.

So, to teach this, I must be willing to learn and grow. And with wisdom and discernment, I must allow them to see the good and the bad in me.

My special gifts

2010-04-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

Avery, Allyson, Eva and Lucilla. Wow. Do we really have 4 children?

Yes, these 4 little beauties are my special gifts. I am so honored to be the chosen mother of each of my kids. I have recently been in awe of my position of care-taking these little people in a harsh world.

Each of them are their very own person, I am amazed at their uniqueness (is that a word?). Isn't it amazing that we have all been made in the likeness of God? Each of us can reveal a little bit of who God is- only God would think of that.

And by the way, at 6 months, Luci has already popped 2 teeth and has just about mastered the skill of crawling. Watch out folks, here she comes!

Spring break (part two)

2010-04-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

Better late than never, huh?
For Spring break, part two,we headed south to see more family!

Lots of sun and lots of pictures with Panka's (Grampa) new camera

Uncle Craig with little Luci

Aunt Jill

S'mores inside? Oh, my.

Games with Gramma.

Lots of playtime with cousin, Hannah. I think my kids wore her out.

And then, it snowed! The kids flew out to play in their jammies and boots as the flakes got bigger and bigger! What a way to end the week. God is good.

Spring break road trip (part one)

2010-03-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Coulombes have been craving a road trip for a while, so Spring Break served as a small outlet for this as we visited friends and family. God is so good to give us a non-bucking van (!) and enough extra funds to make this happen.

Our first stop was to stay with good friends, Seth and Amy, in Renton, WA (just south of Seattle). We enjoyed such good conversation and catching up, and on top of it, they love our kids. It was so refreshing to encourage one another and take time hang out. Thank you guys for letting the Coulombes invade your home! We love you!

After picking up Casey (Andy's bro) in Seattle, we headed West to Camano Island where 7 of us packed into a one bedroom toothpick cabin for 2 nights. And besides the first hellish night with Luci, we all had a great time.
There was a looming forecast of rain but God blessed us with beautiful sunny days with amazing clouds.

Uncle Casey, you are so great. We love you!

This was our view out the cabin window. We saw a gray whale breach and sea lions bob up and down in the water.

Filling our pockets full of shells and treasures. Avery looked like he grew an udder by the time we got back to our cabin. Simple pleasures.

Perfect sunset

Listen to this!

2010-03-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

Andy and I have been listening to this sermon series from a pastor in Birmingham, Alabama.

It is amazing. We are soaking in the Truth of what is being spoken and I am realizing the responsibility that comes with more understanding.

Responsibility, meaning, ability to respond.

How will I respond to Jesus?

Am I ready for this? My spirit says, "YES!" My flesh says, "Woah".

Lord, give me more desire for You. I cannot walk this narrow path that you speak of without You. More, Lord, more.

Join Andy and I as we listen to this Radical teaching series.

Re-gifting

2010-03-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

I need to process a little bit...so I need to preface this with the fact that God has more for me to learn in all of these things. (Not that I ever thought I was done learning, but you know what I mean- I hope.)

I find the Lord re-visiting Truths over and over again. He not only wants to remind me but He wants to take me deeper. And as I go deeper with Him I get a little overwhelmed at how things get blurry before they get clearer. It's kind of like doing deep cleaning; it gets messy before it gets clean and organized.

Question on my heart these days: What is fasting?

To ask this question seemed silly to me- I thought I had it all figured out. It was one of those questions where you think you know the answer but deep down you know you really don't.

His Spirit had presented me with the idea of having our family prepare for Easter together. I talked with the kids about fasting and as I began explaining, I realized I didn't really know what I was talking about. Because I teach my children that we are free in Christ- that we have been given access to everything under God, my explanation of fasting began to sound twisted and wrong.

I heard myself saying that fasting is a way to get more of God. Hmm.. that does not sound right. I already have ALL of God. He gave me everything and has forgiven me everything.
As I meditated on this and took a break from teaching my kids, the Lord revealed something huge to me...Fasting is not some way of getting something, it is an opportunity to GIVE something.

As a follower of Jesus and a child of God, I have everything and lack nothing. To think that I need to do something or take something out of my daily life so that I can receive something from Him is saying "I don't believe you, OR I don't understand what you have done for me." Fasting is not a way to manipulate God, it is an attitude of giving, an opportunity to re-gift what has been given to me freely. He desires that we love Him so much that we would desire to be big givers.

Can I be a lavish giver like my Father? And can I teach my kids to be lavish givers? Can I give my tiny, seemingly insignificant gifts, or will I remain at a place of misunderstanding?

My God, the King of kings is not a God of expectation, making decisions based on what we have done or even what He knows we will do. If He did, He would not be a loving God. This is how man works. Man makes decisions based on what information we can gather (which is not a lot). But as we allow the Spirit to guide us and lead us into understanding, our desires become His desires (Psalm 37:4). We become like Him.

As I look through my Bible and search out what God has to say about fasting, my mind has been renewed. For the first time, I look forward to giving my coffee to Him in thanksgiving.
Coffee? Ha! I can do that. Dessert? I can do that too! (Let's start off slow though, folks.)

And best of all, I am free from the fear of failure.

He is pleased with my tiny efforts, just like I am pleased when my kids come to me with their sweet little pictures that they draw just for me.

The more I am taught on fasting, the more I see how it affects my entire idea of who God is, and the more it deepens my love for Him.
King David's words came alive to me today as I thanked Him again for how He gives us so much to re-gift.

Psalm 103
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I encourage you, if you have not already, to dive into this journey of what fasting really is. He is faithful in revealing the Truth, when you seek it.
More scripture I have meditated on: Isaiah 58, Joel 2:12-13, Matthew 6

More processing to come...I'm sure.

Tangible Jesus

2010-03-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

Andy and I sat on a park bench one afternoon as our kids played on a play structure. We had some time to kill before an appointment and the park was directly across the street. Perfect.

I quickly took the girls to the potty and when I returned, I noticed Andy trying to be nonchalant as he watched a lady in the parking lot talk on her phone. I turned to watch more closely and saw that as she talked on her phone she was literally sticking her foot out and pushing away a young boy who was shouting at her. The boy continued to act violent and loud and it seemed obvious to us that she needed to get off the phone and pay some attention to this boy. Andy and I quietly watched and together, we assumed that this was her son. We also began to assume other things. We assumed that this boy was an undisciplined child and that this mother cared more about talking to her friends on the phone than his well being.

We were in a state of shock as this phone conversation continued for a good 10-15 minutes. It got to the point where we started wondering if we needed to get up and intervene. The boy was running around her truck, getting more angry by the minute and his mother continued to ignore him, trying to get away from him and telling him to "stop" every once in while.

But even as we pretended not to watch this event, I could feel His Spirit getting ready to teach us something. The whole event seemed odd to me as I noticed our family and this mom and her boy were the only ones at the park. Later on I found that the rest of her family was way down at the other end of the park.

When she finally got off the phone, she looked over at us noticeably ashamed at what had just happened. Her boy was still angry as she tried to talk with him and he then ran off. She started slowly after him and walked towards us. She began apologizing to us for what we just saw and tried to explain to us that her boy has Autism and other mental disabilities. She then continued to say that she was just speaking to his doctor who had just told them the day before that he needed yet another surgery. The doctor was explaining some important information to her while her son was reacting to this news of having to go through another surgery. Her son had been through previous surgeries and was not happy about her talking with the doctor.

My heart instantly sank as I realized how much I had wrongly assumed about this woman. I began to walk towards her as I imagined how many times this had happened to this woman. While I listened to her I could hear sadness, shame, frustration and loneliness. I just let her talk for a few minutes, wanting to give her a chance to vent these burdens. God was reminding me to be slow to speak as His precious and fragile child once again desperately tried to explain herself. I felt physically tired for her.

As she told her story, I found out that this boy was her youngest of 5 children and has taken much of her attention away from the rest of them. More burdens.

After she had some time to vent and apologize I quickly asked the Lord to speak through me. I asked her for forgiveness for thinking wrongly of her and I apologized for all the many others who have put unintended shame on her; for the looks, the comments, the chastising, and the unfair treatment. I then asked her if I could pray for her. I said that I believed in Jesus and that I know He loves her. She seemed to relax as I said this. She was not a Believer but she knew there was something "bigger" out there.

I prayed with her and asked that His Spirit would speak to her and comfort her. I prayed that she would know His Love for her and her children.

I fumbled through many of my words and it didn't come out as clear as this post but I know that I was put in her path for a very important purpose. I was to love her like Jesus. And actually, I was to love her as if she was Jesus.

I was thankful for my moments with Therese, not only for an opportunity to show His love but for an opportunity to ask forgiveness.

I pray for more revelation of Jesus in everyone I know and meet, whether they know Him or not, so that I might have more tangible opportunities to love Him.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

I am inspired

2010-03-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

A while back I had heard of this gal but didn't get a chance to read her blog. And then I heard about her again through another blog....and I am totally hooked, inspired and encouraged. Wow.
Please take some time to read her stories. Amazing! Thank you Jesus for your bold followers!
Click on the link below.

The Journey

A little laugh with Jesus

2010-02-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

As I traveled home today from visiting my sweet friend down in Roseburg I geared myself up for another rugged ride. Our Volkswagen Vanagon bucks. Yes, like a wild horse. We call her Wolf and besides the violent jolts down the road, we love this van.

Driving the van around town is not a big deal. A buck here, a buck there, we can handle it. The Wolf never leaves us stranded, she just likes to keep us awake and aware of our surroundings.

A 2 1/2 hour drive however, is quite exhausting. Eva and Luci were with me and the Wolf managed to keep them awake also. Luci screamed for a good portion of the drive and Eva sleepily went in and out of asking me questions and being jolted awake every few seconds.

Half way home I was exhausted by the bucking and quite frustrated. I yelled at the van a few times. Then suddenly I decided to thank Jesus for all the things I loved about the van. I yelled them actually, to vent a little. And as I came to the end of my list of thanks, I heard Jesus laugh.
I pictured Him next to me in the van being jolted back and forth as we drove North on I-5 and He was laughing. Silly Jesus.

Of course I couldn't help but laugh also as He beckoned me to join Him in that moment of craziness. We laughed and I cried a little bit as we all bucked down the freeway, imagining what cars driving by must be thinking.

Sweet, silly, crazy Jesus. I love Him. He pulls me out of my pit every time.

Little Luci

2010-02-25T13:54:00.000-08:00

Luci will be 5 months tomorrow! Amazing how quickly time flies, especially in a very busy house of 6. Lucilla has been living up to her name; Light Bringer, Chosen of God. She has a smile for everyone and has been a joy as my fourth child.

Sometimes I wonder if I will have enough to give her as I lug her around on my hip, tending to the other kidlets. Yet, even in my tiredness and sometime discouraging days of motherhood, I believe that she, as well as each of my other children, have been chosen of God. He planned for all of them to be my children, He planned for each of them to have 3 other siblings to share mommy and daddy with. And He planned to teach me that I cannot do this motherhood thing without relying on His strong and loving Presence in my life.

Today has been a rough day. I am tired, the kids had a rough day in school, I keep thinking today is Friday, Luci is crying herself to sleep, and fortunately Andy just took the rest of the kids on an errand with him. I have laundry to fold, dinner to start fixing, bathrooms to clean, sheets to put back on the beds, and a seemingly never-ending long list of "to do's".

My flesh cries out for some sort of break, but His Spirit says rest in Him. Finding the ability to rest in Him as I do the daily chores is the only thing that will bring me satisfaction. I don't need a vacation from my kids, I need to surrender to Him daily, asking for His help, and praising His name in the midst of chaos.

My prayer is that I can release myself to find Joy in all things. Not only for myself but for my kids, to see that it is possible.

"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 (Luci's verse)

He's coming...

2010-02-23T21:34:00.000-08:00

I have enjoyed talking with our kids about spring and how its a little reminder that He is coming. Jesus is coming back.
Just as sure as the bulbs come back each year, God will come back in all His fullness. We must wait expectantly, knowing that it WILL happen.

We have a lot of new things going on these days.

The Jubilee Food Pantry will be up and running before we know it (read more here).
Spring has just come to Oregon, bulbs in full effect.
Ally is starting to read like a champ.
A new confidence is being built in me as I watch my husband go after the vision God has given us for this area.

I am encouraged by God's timing as we enter spring. He is with us, reminding us that what He has promised Andy and I, WILL COME.

In all honesty, being the food pantry for Hubbard, OR is a little daunting. But I can stand firmly in the Path that we walk and have walked. I look behind us and see how God has built our faith as we have patiently (and sometimes not-so-patiently) persevered into this completely unknown land. As I watched Andy building the food pantry in our garage, there were times when I felt like I was watching Noah. I have asked myself a few times, "What are we getting ourselves into?" And more than once, I have had to release it to my man because of my emotional basket-caseness. Good thing I married an administrative visionary who loves me so much.

The vision is coming. I can see it now.

And now that I see it, the reality has hit me with an intensity. We are here, this is a major commitment, and God has chosen us for some strange reason. Just some regular family on Baines Boulevard taking up our post in the Kingdom of God, here on earth.
We are a little scraggly at times; yelling at our kids, yelling at each other, bouncing our crying baby, snotty noses, talking too much or too little, eating cereal for dinner, borrowing this and that from our neighbors, cars that break down too often, and we fart.

But we also love Jesus so much that there is nothing that will stop us from following Him. Nothing.

He is coming back.
We wait expectantly as we let our little lights shine as brightly as possible.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see. 1 Peter 1:3-5

Spring is here!

2010-02-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

After a good couple hours of hard weeding, the kids and I grabbed our shovels and tilled up the beautiful soil. Looking forward to a fun season of gardening and teaching the kids more about the abundant Life Jesus has promised us.

The compost pile is ready to do it's thing. Good-bye smelly pile of garbage, hello yummy vegetables!

And I must brag a bit about our amazing Oregon spring weather we have been having. Four days in a row I opened up the house and let the breeze blow through! Forget school, we've been soakin' up the Vitamin D.

Can I smell this Daphne hard enough? Mmmm! I may get dizzy and pass out in my front yard, but oh, it is worth it for this little flower's perfume!

Eva is so desperate to pick these little crocuses. So small and vibrant, just perfect for a good 3 year old yank! So sorry, sweet Diva.

My Lazy Head and Sleepy Bone Kids

2010-02-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

They Might Be Giants accurately describes my children on a long day. I am amazed at how my kids have perfected the art of arguing like crazy people. It makes me laugh and breathe a sigh of relief to know that Avery, Ally and Eva are not the only ones who act mental when they are tired.

Enjoy a good chuckle while listening to this fabulous song....

Listen to it here

Lazy Head and Sleepy Bones

Lazy Head and Sleepy Bones
Always disagree
Though everybody says they should be friends
They're too tired to see

When Sleepy Bones says he's feeling tired
Lazy Head wants to rest
When Lazy Head says it's number one
Sleepy Bones says it's best

When Lazy Head uses imagination
Sleepy Bones daydreams
Sleepy Bones says, It's not what it looks like
And Lazy Head says, It's not what it seems

Lazy Head and Sleepy Bones
Always disagree
Though everybody says they should be friends
They're too tired to see

When Lazy Head says somebody's skinny
Sleepy Bones says thin
When Sleepy Bones says identical
Lazy Head says twin

When Lazy Head says the window is closed
Sleepy Bones says it's shut
When Sleepy Bones says that something isn't
Lazy Head says, It's not

Lazy Head and Sleepy Bones
Both take naps so long
And even though they should be friends
They can't get along

Lazy Head and Sleepy Bones
Always disagree
Though everybody says they should be friends
They're too tired to see

My Father, The King

2010-02-11T08:48:00.000-08:00

Do I really believe I am a daughter of the Most High King?

It has been a process of relationship with Jesus that has helped me accept this title. I'm still learning, however. It is often hard for me to believe this during the daily grind of chores, parenting, relational conflicts, etc.

Recently I have been meditating on how the Most High King might want His daughter to be treated, and how He would want His daughter to see herself. And I must remind myself, He is not just any ordinary King, He is the Good King.

As my loving Father, He desires me to be confident in my position to approach Him.
He wants our relationship to be loving and intimate, like a father and daughter should be.
As a princess, He wants me to be available and ready to stand in the King's court and the amongst the townspeople.
Because of His love for His Kingdom, He desires and commands that I love the Kingdom also.
As the King, He wants me to know that He will fight for me always.
As a daughter of the King I must respect and love myself. I must stand firmly and lovingly in Truth, with no shame.
As a daughter of the King, His power and authority goes with me.
Because He is the Most High King, He is the only one that can give me the best. He is the only one who truly knows me and loves me. To except anything less is denying my Father of His love for me.

These things are hard to accept. Everything in this world wants us to believe that we do not belong to a Good King. The world compels us to rely on what it has to offer us. The prince of this world does everything he can to convince us that he can provide what we need.

If we choose to believe God over Satan, we will look different to this world. We will be set apart. God gives us a peace and rest that nothing and no one else can.

I have decided to believe and step into a faith that says my God is the King of Kings, and I am His daughter.

I pray for all of us to begin seeing this as our identity. We do not deserve this position, but that is beside the point. The point is, He has called us Sons and Daughters. It is our choice to believe this.

Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Romans 8:15-17

Craft day

2010-01-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I will spice things up and have craft day for school (on a rare occasion). And to make it even more fun, we stayed in our jammies. And yes, I always seem to be in my jammies, so it was not a big woop for me.

We've been studying the human body and I figured it might stick in their heads a little better if we actually constructed a body. It was a team effort (mommy included) and it was a surprisingly peaceful event.

Eva drew the face and then took it upon herself to make the hair, which kept her happy and busy the entire time. When it comes to school time, she is my most challenging, so if it takes an entire roll of tape to make hair, so be it.

It was nothing fancy but the kids totally dug it. We only used what we had- pipe cleaners, toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls, bendy straws, tape :), string and balloons.

To top off the fun craft day, our body was deemed a girl and named Elsia. I love my kids.

Freedom in Christ

2010-01-25T23:32:00.000-08:00

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.
1 Corinthians 10:23

This is a great verse. It has given me great perspective in all the other good things I have offered to me every day.

Just give me Jesus, any day.

When I'm not looking

2010-01-22T09:26:00.001-08:00

This is our Diva.

Her name is Eva, but Diva fits more appropriately at times. Her name means Life and she is determined to live up to it.

Andy and I were enjoying a bit of conversation at the breakfast table, while Luci was happily playing in her bouncy chair next to me. The rest of the kids had finished their breakfast and were entertaining themselves quite nicely. I was obviously wrapped up in what Andy and I were talking about because I turned to look at Luci and this is what I found.....

Eva thought Luci needed a bit of entertainment.

Tiny dancer

2010-01-21T09:03:00.001-08:00

Getting ready for the kickline

Ally took part in her first dance clinic the other day. Here are pictures of thier performance of the dance they learned at the clinic, grooving to "Stayin' Alive" by The Chipmunks. It was about the cutest thing I've seen in a long time. Considering her personality, quiet and much less inclined to get in front of a huge crowd for anything, she was amazing and so brave! I am SO proud of her.

It was another little moment of releasing this sweet girl, knowing that she is quickly growing up and becoming her own person. Lord, help me.

Ally and her best friend Abbey

Lord, bless us...

2010-01-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

We had a chance to listen to Bishop John, a pastor of a church in Rwanda, on Sunday. His message was on reconciliation and there were a couple times I couldn't help but blurt out, "Amen". He was a beautiful speaker and obviously has an amazing love for Jesus. But out of his whole message, one of the most impacting things he said was a tiny little prayer he voiced as he spoke.

"May God bless us with the ability to surrender."

It hit me like a beam of light. I've meditated on that for the last couple days and it has brought to mind many things that I have asked to be blessed with. But, the ability to surrender, will be my first prayer from here on out. When I can surrender myself to Him, all things are possible.

Another disaster in Haiti

2010-01-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

I can only imagine the devastation and loss of hope the Haitian people are experiencing right now. I'm praying that our God can blanket this nation in His comfort and that out of this they would find Hope and Love.

The words below caught my breath.

"The disaster is the latest to befall the country of about 9 million people, roughly the size of Maryland. It is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere and among the poorest in the world.

With people stripping the trees for fuel and to clear land for agriculture, the mountainous countryside has been heavily deforested. That has led to severe erosion and left Haitians vulnerable to massive landslides when heavy rains fall.

Hurricane Gordon killed more than 1,000 people in 1994, while Hurricane Georges killed more than 400 and destroyed the majority of the country's crops in 1998. And in 2004, Hurricane Jeanne killed more than 3,000 people as it passed north of Haiti, with most of the deaths in the northwestern city of Gonaives.

Gonaives was hit heavily again in 2008, when four tropical systems passed through.

In addition, a Haitian school collapsed in November 2008, killing more than 90 people and injuring 150 -- a disaster authorities blamed on poor construction.

Eighty percent of Haiti's population lives under the poverty line, according to the CIA World Factbook." -CNN report, Jan. 13 2010

Avery's new room

2010-01-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

My little Avery man, who rocketed out 3 1/2 weeks early, just turned 7 years old last week! And for this special birthday, the whole family pitched in and turned the white-walled playroom into his very own bedroom. It was an awesome experience to see everyone work together to surprise this sweet boy. While he had a fun day/night at a friends' house, we worked into the night so that after church on Sunday we could surprise him.

Avery's little cave.

The loft bed was built by Andy and his dad, keeping this room available to guests and creating more space!

We are so thankful for a family that wants to be involved in everything they can.
Our little man loves his room and the surprise was a success! I am a proud to be his mom. But what I am most proud of is that he never once complained about sharing a room with his sisters, even in the cramped living quarters of Big Buster. He is learning to have joy with much and with little.
Jesus, please continue teaching Avery, making his ears and eyes sensitive to Your Spirit. Compel him to move and grow in Your Kingdom and teach him how to be small, giving you ALL the glory.
Amen!

The dust is settling

2010-01-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Rather than making a sad attempt at explaining and summarizing the last few years, I will just direct you to our Mustard Seed Ministries website here. There, you will find what we have done, what we are currently doing and some thoughts and experiences we have had along the way.

Our family has returned to Hubbard, OR after traveling the States in an RV for one year.

Our desire remains to live out the Gospel in love and obedience to God.

To say the least, the last 9 months has been a whirlwind of transition.

I am finally seeing the dust settle and have had quite a few things to process, which brings me back to my blog. I find this to be a lovely way of getting my thoughts out and giving people the opportunity to read or not to read.

Since July of 2009, we have re-established ourselves in our original home (that we had intended to sell but God kept it for us), welcomed our fourth child, Lucilla (Luci) Ann into our family in September, Andy has returned to work as a teacher at Woodburn High School half-time, and I have been homeschooling Avery, Ally and Eva. In the midst of all these things, we have begun the process of building a food pantry in our garage and connecting with church bodies and ministries in the area. We want to be available to our community, not only for physical needs but spiritual and emotional as well. Andy and I have seen the Kingdom of God and desire to take up our positions and fight for what is good and just, right where He places us- whether that is traveling or stationary.

As for me, I know God wants me to focus on my marriage and my children right now. All other things are extras, which I am learning to take as gifts of opportunity when I have a chance to take part in them. It has taken me years to get to this place of peace as a mother and wife. Like many women, I have struggled with the desire to be a part of something "more important" than "just be a mom and wife". It makes me laugh just writing that, but 'tis true.

And on the other side, I am learning to be ok with not being a Super-mom or Super-wife, which also makes me laugh. In the mayhem of having 4 small children, I get angry, frustrated, and distracted. I am terribly imperfect and unloving without Jesus. He does not make me a Super-mom but when I am willing, He can love my husband and children through me like no one else can. I am learning to listen to Him and treat Him like a big, wise, brother that is always hanging out with me. For me, this is very comforting.

In my relationship with Jesus, He has taught me so much. How to be a daughter of the Most High King, how to be a mother, how to be a soldier, a lover, a peacemaker (not a peace keeper), and how to find His face in each person in my life. I love Him with more of my heart each day and hope to see more people find His love for them.

So, in this blog, I hope to be real as I write about my journey with my Father, his Son and his Holy Spirit. I know my purpose here on earth is to love God and love others.
It is as simple and as complicated as that.

To Love

2009-05-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've been meditating a lot on something God started teaching me a few years ago (or something I actually started hearing Him on a few years ago).

Love.

God is Love. I am NOT Love. I was made out of His love. I have invited His Spirit to live inside me, meaning, I have Love. God is a loving God, giving me the choice to live in that Love or live out of my flesh, which is not Love.

So, I cannot truly love someone without God. I cannot truly love my children without God. I cannot truly love my husband without God. And so on...

Control.

What is control anyway? Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear of being hurt. Wanting to control something or someone just creates worry, stress, anxiety. Over and over, Jesus tells us "Do not worry. Do not be afraid."

Often times I find myself justifying my ways of control as love. I'm sure that my Father chuckles a little bit to himself when I get frustrated at why my children keep doing things I have tried to control them not to do. Yes, control them, not discipline- it is different.

There are a lot of ways I try to control my children that would be justified in the world's eyes as "discipline". But I continue to hear the Lord whispering to me, "I want you to let go and let me love your children the way I can only love them." This means throwing off the ways of the world and finding the narrow path of our Father. I can only imagine what that would look like to truly Love my kids and my husband.

The only thing/person I have control of is me. I cannot control anyone or anything. Control is the enemy's lie, telling us that love can't do anything. But he is wrong, LOVE CAN DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Another way of putting it, kind of, is the only way to control is to love God and know Him.

We just had 3 weeks to stay at our friends, the Lockes, house in Strathmore, CA. They have 4 kids all close to our kids' ages and all of them are friends. My friend Emie and I took our last night together to pray for all of our children and our husbands. Over our friendship of almost 7 years, we have grown, changed and found more of God because we have chosen to do this. But in the last few weeks I have been reminded that there is so much more of God I need and want, not just for myself but for my husband, children and anyone else who is put in my life. It is a process, and a journey to Love.

The New Commandment: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35

Love. This should look different from many others and may even feel lonely or misunderstood. Jesus told us we would even be hated because the way we Love. Are we ready?

Mall cops in San Diego

2009-03-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

Andy and I were on a date the other day and happened to walk through a strip mall parking lot.
Let me unfold a scene we literally walked into as we strolled along, hand in hand....

Three young skateboarders hang out lazily in an empty section of the parking lot, goofing off but mostly just sitting around talking on their cell phones.
Suddenly, Mall Cop #1 rolls up in his electric golf cart and starts saying something to the supposed "leader" of the teeny-boppers. The leader was on the phone at the time and did not know he was being summoned. This obviously threatened Mall Cop #1's ego, he proceeded to hop out of the golf cart and yelled at the Leader. Leader lazily turned around as his two friends just watched the whole thing unfold. They all just stood there as Mall Cop #1 rattled/yelled off the rules of conduct for the parking lot.
Mall Cop #1 must have made a call in for back up sometime during all of this because within a minute or so, Mall Cop #2 rolls up in his golf cart and screeches his tires to a halt (that was the funniest part of the whole scene, wish you could have been there) and hastily jumps out to assist with the problem. Teeny-boppers are now surrounded by golf carts and mall cops.
As we walk by we watch Mall Cop #1 regain authority by jetting his finger in the direction of the exit as he tells the Motley Crew to "get out and stay out!"
We don't really know what happened next but I am imagining a good laugh and more goofing off as the skateboarders lazily pick up their stuff and leave the premise. I'm sure friends at school are laughing it up and reciting lines from the new Mall Cop movie that has just come out.
I am also imagining Mall Cop #1 and #2 watching with eagle eyes to make sure the boys leave the property and then discuss their thoughts of the "hoodlum skateboarders". I imagine the rest of the mall cops heard the story too, with fire in their eyes and a hunger for more skateboarders to threaten the security of the strip mall.

I now have first-hand account of why Paul Blart is so famous. These guys are for real.

One thing I will miss....

2009-03-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

It seems like a long stretch home still, but we are only 2 states away. This is a really weird feeling now that we've been traveling for 9 months straight now. Being 3 months away from being home is just WEIRD.

I have this deep longing to be home, snug in a little house, back with my old neighbors, and in familiar territory where I don't need a GPS or Google Maps to get around. My mama instincts are beginning to itch, making me want to settle, nest, and get my kids back into some sort of regular schedule/routine.

BUT...there are many things I will miss from being a transient. The main one: meeting new people. I know I can do this when we get back to Portland, but it is different when you are a traveler. People are more willing to tell you their life story when they know you will probably leave within the next few days. They are also more likely to offer hospitality when they know you have been traveling. We have met so many amazing friends on this journey.

So many people have opened their homes, lives, stories, fellowship, pantries, cars, laundry facilities, and showers to our family. It gives me so much hope for humanity and the family of God. It is a stretch and a risk to invite an entire family into your home for dinner when you have never met them before in your life. This causes me to believe there needs to be more travelers out there who rely on hospitality for housing and food rather than hotels and restaurants. Meeting and entertaining strangers stretches, challenges, and connects the Kingdom of God. Somehow it makes it a little more organic, fresh, natural.

So, when we return home, I hope to always be ready to entertain strangers. I hope to be more willing to meet new people and to offer a warm meal to anyone who needs it. If I can't be a transient, receiving hospitality, I will be on the other end in giving back what has been lavishly given to me and my family.

Poor mama duck

2009-02-27T18:14:00.001-08:00

Yes, yes. I know I've been a TOTAL slacker on the blog, Andy keeps bugging me about updating this.
So here is my weird attempt at updating. It's very random so bear with me.

Can you see this sweet little ducklings and their mama?

When we were having a little vacation time with my parents in San Antonio, this caught our attention as we were strolling the River Walk. The kids were so excited to see baby duckies but I was almost crying for this little mama trying to get her babies down to safety. Poor thing made a nest where it was safe and now she has the dilemma of figuring out a way to get all of her babies down this huge cliff where the water is. I almost did a swoop and rescue right then and there. Mama duck kept quacking and walking back and forth, looking a bit anxious about the menacing drop-off. But the sheer madness of me scaling up the wall and scooping up the duckies 2 at a time was a little over the top. So, I prayed for them. Yes, I did, for all you who are laughing. And I couldn't get this out of my mind for quite a few days. It's one of those mama things or maybe it's an overly sensitive lover-of-animal-things.

And maybe the fact that I'M PREGNANT added to the desperate desire to be the super-hero for this little family of ducks. Who knows?

Oh, yeah- I'm prego! Thank you Jesus for our new gift!

Science day

2009-02-07T12:11:00.001-08:00

Poor little Squeaky the Turtle. Someone had caught him on a fishing line and then after that 3 little children found him. Not sure which incident was more traumatic.

The kids had so much fun with the turtle though- nothing better than running around outside and making a great nature discovery.

We were able to spend our time in Jackson, MS staying at a state park campground. Along with many days spent doing things/ministry around the city, we also got to come back to Big Buster and have a huge area to let the kids run around and play, skip rocks in the lazy river, find bugs, ride bikes, and of course, find turtles. Thank you Lord for your great playground!!

Have I told you....

2009-01-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

....Ally loves kitties??

Thankfully the cats she has mauled and loved on have all been very relaxed, which is a miracle.
When we were staying with some friends way back in Denver she proclaimed, after hearing that she wouldn't be getting dessert, that the kitty was her dessert. Yes, a little odd but totally Ally. She makes me laugh hard sometimes because of her quirkiness and silliness. Someday she'll get her kitty, along with a farm and a Pegasus named Pinky.
Gotta love her!

potty training in an rv

2009-01-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

Over my 6 years of being a mother, which is not really that long, my youngest has been the most challenging in regards to potty training. I have no idea what it would have been like to potty train while in a stable environment (probably a whole lot easier) but out of this, I have discovered more of the monster that has the capacity to rear its ugly head. I'm not speaking about my two year old monster, I'm talking about the mama monster.

I think Eva is finally potty trained but it took my pride to be humbled. Our first attempts were about 5 months ago which just about sent me over the edge. Eva figured out the "treat system" (she got a small piece of candy every time she went potty) and used it to the nth degree- which is not a bad system with some personalities. In Eva's case, I had to come to the realization that she was not ready and if I kept pushing it, I would literally crush her sparky little spirit.

Washing out pee-pee panties, cleaning up poopy messes, and little access to a laundry facility, the rv bathroom was smelling pretty bad and my patience was almost wiped out. I finally strapped the diaper back on the little Diva and gave in to the idea that maybe she just wasn't ready. Whew!

About a week ago, I decided to try again and she is now almost fully potty trained during the day with only a few accidents. I am not freaking out and our bathroom doesn't smell like pee.
PRAISE THE LORD!!

It really is all about the timing. Yes, there is the consistency factor (which I am better at this time around) but really I just needed to be patient. The pride of knowing you have potty trained a small child should not overpower the joy in the relationship- really. I, along with other mothers, know that feeling. Kind of like having a child who speaks well, or can read early, sleeps through the night early, or happens to be smarter than the average "Joe" child. We all get a little puffed up over those things.

All of us mamas out there know we have the capacity to become somewhat of a monster. But the key is to just let the mama monster go so that we can reflect the image of God to our children. I imagine myself before I strapped the diaper back on and I just see ugly, stressed-out flesh ball forcing the Diva to do something she was not ready to do. Now that I have waited I can be confident that God can parent her through me, in HER timing.

Getting closer

2009-01-11T13:33:00.001-08:00

Eva came excitedly out of the bedroom the other morning with her stuffed puppies. She had crammed them under her shirt and with much confidence she declared, "Jesus puppies in my heart Mommy. Jesus puppies in my heart!"

Yes, it is a stretch, but she is getting there. :)

BEWARE...

2008-12-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

....of rancid peanut butter!

As we traveled through Florida we had made a stop at some old friends of my parents' in Gainesville, FL. They had invited us to stop by, catch up, and have a place to park for the journey south. Their house was beautiful with many beautiful things, trinkets, almost museum-like. A little scary with kids. We actually stayed most of the time in our RV, in fear that the random movements of little children might break something precious and valuable.

The next morning we were invited inside for breakfast and so I gathered as many craft things I could to entertain the kids while we hung out.
Things were going fabulous, great conversation, kids were happy, when suddenly a moment of panic hit me as I stuffed my mouth with a piece of waffle smothered in syrup and peanut butter (my favorite).
I instantly, without thinking, started clawing at my tongue, making a gagging sound, and rushed over to the sink to spit out the disgusting morsel.
The peanut butter had unknowingly gone rancid.
I leaned over the sink, tipped my head upside down and rinsed and blubbered out as much peanut butter as I could. I even took my coffee and swished it in my mouth like mouthwash and spit it out in the sink.
This all happened so quickly, I had forgotten my surroundings of distinguished beauty as I gagged, blubbered and clawed peanut butter out of my mouth. My kids thought the scene was pretty funny, Andy got a good laugh when he heard about the incident, but I hope our hosts were not totally offended by my rather "nutty" act.

After gaining some composure, I was able to scrap off the remaining peanut butter from my waffle and the Jif container was tossed in the proper receptacle. And we all resumed with breakfast as usual.

I truly lived up to my favorite pet name, "Nutty Nutterson".

Refuge

2008-12-18T11:50:00.000-08:00

These are the words and thoughts that come to mind when I think of "refuge".

SAFETY
STRONG
SECURE
BEAUTIFUL
YOU GO HERE BECAUSE OF YOUR WEAKNESS
COVERING
COMFORT
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
REST
UNASHAMED

King David talked so much about how God was his refuge, strong tower, etc. He had a position of power, wealth, armies, guards, slaves, women, land and much more. He is known for his many mistakes and acts of disobedience. He also had one of the most intimate relationships with God and knew his place in the REAL Kingdom. And God called David his friend.

Finding refuge in God is like me telling Him I know who I am. I am a child of God, I am weak, and I can come to Him whenever I want. I have freedom in His refuge.

jars of clay

2008-12-09T19:18:00.000-08:00

When I saw this picture it struck me how well it explains us as humans. We are all pretty much the same thing, made with the same stuff, by the same Person, but each totally useful and precious at the same time.

"For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Cor. 4: 5-7

There have been many times during the last 6 months when I have asked myself and God, "What in the world are we doing out here? and What is our purpose- are we doing ANY good?"

It always comes back to how my relationship with my Father is doing. When I start asking these questions, it is usually because I have lost my focus and God is slipping to the side. When He is #1, I don't have any questions about what I'm doing, where we are going or how long something is going to take. I just do it and have peace in my heart.

I falter when I start thinking that it is all about me, or that I have something to give. My own clay pot would only be a lump of clay if not for my Creator. And my Creator made me for His purpose only. Why do I forget to look to Him for my everything? Because I am a clay pot- but in me is His Spirit. This is how I continue to grow and change, His Spirit inside me speaking, molding me from the inside and renewing me each and every day- at least when I allow Him to do that.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
2 Cor. 4: 16

WOW! Crazy stuff that boggles my mind. I will just try to keep it simple and rely on my Creator to use me and mold me until I shine like Jesus- the Original pot.

My purpose: To love God with all my heart, soul and mind and love my neighbor as myself.

Grunt work

2008-12-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

I have always loved (ok, my dad would disagree with that statement) at least in the last 10 years of my life, I have loved doing grunt jobs. Getting my hands dirty, doing things the slower way, etc. There is something to be said about pulling weeds (when the soil is a little damp), tilling up the garden with the shovel, hanging the laundry outside to dry in the sun, chopping wood (ok, I've only done this once, but I loved it), washing dishes by hand. It is refreshing, honest work that gives you time to think, sweat and enjoy the peaceful sounds of the outdoors. I love doing things that my kids can help with also, it gives them purpose and builds on our relationship as we work together.

We are at Koinonia Farm out here in Americus, GA. They have a beautiful balance of work, play, relationship, servanthood, and freedom. I LOVE it.

(Dad, all your hard work has instilled a love of the outdoors, gardening and plain old hard work in my heart- thank you! Mom, your many years of being an excellent example of good, hard housekeeping has given me a LOVE for keeping things beautiful and clean! Your work has paid off. Love you.)